Don’t take etiquette lessons from TV shows

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While watching certain “judge” TV shows, I’ve noticed that when a plaintiff or defendant is given a tissue, there is never a “thank you” offered to the giver.

It leads me to wonder: Is not thanking a person for this small favor considered somehow improper? Please help, as I am indeed befuddled.

GENTLE READER: And as you will continue to be, if you look to television for demonstrations of proper manners.

Miss Manners does not intend this as a sneer at the ignorance of etiquette that sprinkles so much drama – not just TV, but film, theater and opera – with misleading cues. That is sadly the fact.

Even well-done scripted shows should not be taken as exemplifying proper behavior. A function of etiquette in real life is to keep us from being at one another’s throats. But what would drama be without conflict? And this especially applies to courtroom drama, which can match – and exceed – real courtrooms in emotional tension. The crier on TV may be too distraught to observe niceties.

Life is different. Should you find yourself breaking down in court, do, please, thank the official who hands you a tissue.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is an email discussion group in our community that my wife is a member of. She and I each have our own desk with our own computer sitting on it. At her request, I always turn on my wife’s computer in the morning before she gets up.

I’ve been reading my wife’s email on her computer at her desk after I turn it on to scan the group message subject lines and see if there is anything interesting enough to read. My wife got up early one morning and saw me doing this.

She has gotten angry with me and told me to stop reading her email and feels I’ve invaded her privacy. I feel I’m not invading her privacy, because the only emails I look at are from the community discussion group. Am I off base?

GENTLE READER: Matrimony is no excuse for peeking into someone else’s mail, Miss Manners believes – as does your wife. So please stop.