Why knives must face inward

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was just wondering why the blade of a knife faces in toward the plate and not out?

GENTLE READER: Throughout the noble history of etiquette, there has been concern, to the point of alarm, about the possible misuse of table knives.

It was bad enough that for centuries before the widespread adoption of the fork, people used to spear their food on the tips and introduce the knife into the mouth. But they might also be tempted to use knives for murder or, worse, picking their teeth.

Thus there have been various rules passed in an effort to tame such instruments, such as blunting the tips (a French 17th-century dictum) and turning the sharp part in. If you have never been attacked by a dinner partner, Miss Manners trusts that you will see the wisdom of this.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s cousin has just sent out the third save-the-date card in the last four years. The last time was for a destination wedding. This time it is for a winter wedding.

Each time, the family does showers or donates money to help out. But there are never any weddings or any discussions about broken engagements, or any gifts or money returned.

Am I obliged to help out or attend yet another pre-“wedding” money grab? How can I extricate myself politely?

GENTLE READER: What an interesting scheme these people have invented. Please reassure Miss Manners that you are not on the verge of falling for it a third time. The adage “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” comes to mind.

In any case, even under the best of circumstances, a save-the-date notice does not require any response. It is merely a courtesy to those who want to plan ahead, and is neither an announcement nor an invitation, although those who sent them are obliged to follow up with invitations when the time approaches.