Annie’s Mailbox: Parents learn son abused siblings

Dear Annie: My wife and I are in our late 70s and we raised four children. We lost our second son to suicide when he was 7. He suffered from major depression.

A few years ago, our daughter wrote us, saying that her eldest brother had sexually molested her when she was very young. She said we knew about it and covered it up. We knew nothing about it and were very upset. I confronted our son, now 42, and he admitted to it and was so sorry for what he did all those years ago. He also said he is not the same person he was then.

I told our daughter that her brother admitted everything and felt terrible about it and that I hope at some point, he will tell her directly how sorry he is. Since he became an adult, this son is the kindest person and has the closest relationship with us of all our children.

Last week, our youngest son and his family came to visit. It turns out that his eldest brother also had molested him when they were children. But he never appeared as devastated as his sister, and moved on.

What are we supposed to do at this stage of our lives? Do you think our eldest son could have been molested at an early age and then acted out like this on his siblings? We found out later that there was a pedophile priest in our local parish. Our son has never admitted to any molestation when he was a boy and we are afraid to ask him. Any advice? – Distraught

Dear Distraught: This is a terribly disturbing situation, but please don’t hide from it. Your son has already admitted the abuse. He needs to apologize to both of his siblings and ask for forgiveness. We are glad that he has changed for the better, but that doesn’t help his sister or brother come to terms with what happened. We strongly urge you to get into family counseling and work through this. All of you would benefit, including your eldest son.