Doug Clark: Maybe those Sony hackers had a point about stopping ‘The Interview’

I’d like to thank the scores of patriots who joined my recent crusade to get “The Interview,” a comedy about the assassination of North Korea’s Kim Jong-un, released to holiday moviegoers everywhere.

Yay! Obviously, we succeeded.

And now that we have that settled …

I’d like to apologize to the scores of patriots who joined my crusade to get “The Interview,” a comedy about the assassination of North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, released to holiday moviegoers everywhere.

After watching “The Interview” with my family one post-Christmas night, I realized that there is an important lesson to be learned in the wake of all the blackmail, hype and finger-pointing.

Be careful what you wish for.

Who knew “The Interview” would suck like a Dyson?

Maybe Kim Jong-un was trying to save the world from a monumental waste of time.

I know I’ll never get that hour and 52 minutes back.

To recap common knowledge:

In the days since my call to arms, “The Interview” was, indeed, released to a limited number of venues and through various outlets for downloading and home viewing. (On Friday, Discount Cinemas in Hayden began showing it at the, um, discounted admission price of three bucks.)

Just like many nosy Americans, the Clark Family decided to watch the movie for two reasons:

As a show of support for Sony Pictures, which had pulled the plug on the movie’s Christmas Day general release after being hacked allegedly by North Korea and threatened with violence at the theaters.

What says “Merry Christmas” like the cinematic assassination of one of the world’s worst dictators?

So into the den we went, to see why this Seth Rogen and James Franco flick had stirred up more controversy than when “Deep Throat” brought porn to the masses back in the 1970s.

My son, Ben, decided to buy rather than rent the movie.

Due to technology that still seems like science fiction, he streamed the movie from his iPhone into our Apple TV setup.

Then it was showtime.

For a while, anyway.

One by one, my family members began bailing out of the den like paratroopers from a flaming airplane.

“I’d like to go on record as being the first to leave,” stated my lovely wife, Sherry.

Duly noted.

Soon our ranks had thinned to a couple of die-hards.

DOUG – “I can’t believe that this is what caused so much fuss.”

BEN – (laughing) “It’s baaad.”

A fair number of critics have taken aim at the movie’s many gross-outs, from vulgar jokes about celebrity body parts to Rogen having to hide a missile where the sun don’t shine.

That’s not the problem with “The Interview.”

A weak script and bad acting choices are the problem.

For the record, I’m a huge fan of Rogen/Franco buddy movies like “Pineapple Express” (the “Ganja With the Wind” of all pot flicks) and “This is The End,” a hilarious Doomsday romp.

“The Interview” is a missed opportunity, a funny premise made unfunny by scenes that drag on and Franco’s weird choice to dumb down his TV host character to the level of a cartoon.

I didn’t much like the guy playing Kim Jong Un, either.

What were they thinking? Danny McBride was the obvious choice.

Anyway, it’s hard to believe that this weak cheese provoked such a noble debate about free speech.

Shortly after my column appeared, I found my newsroom mailbox loaded with dozens of signed “No-Quaver Waiver” coupons. Many of them included messages of solidarity like this one from Spirit Lake’s Dan Stevenson:

“I’m disappointed Sony caved! It sets a bad precedent.”

Or this response from Spokane’s David Parker and Anne Paulin:

“We weren’t really that interested in this movie. But with all the stupidity surrounding it, we would gladly purchase it.”

Then there was this mysterious typewritten and unsigned letter that I may turn over to the FBI.

“Here is the real reason behind North Korea’s recent actions,” it began.

“Kim Jong-un went to school in Europe and is basically a frustrated and star-struck party guy. This is why he loves Dennis Rodman. The fuss over the movie, ‘The Interview,’ and the Sony hacking let him say that he wanted to help the U.S. track down ‘the real hacker.’ ”

The nameless author then offers a “New Year Prediction.”

Kim Jong Un will “offer to play himself” in a sequel to “The Interview,” where “the first movie is revealed as only a dream.”

If that isn’t enough, the sequel’s title song – “a duet with Psy (‘Gangnam Style’) and Kim Jong-un” – will produce a video that “will go viral and result in the reunification of Korea.”

Honestly, that’s about the nuttiest thing I’ve ever heard.

Although it makes far more sense than anything I saw in “The Interview.”