Smart Bombs: No country for new men
Two weeks ago, a Christian extremist opened fire at a Planned Parenthood clinic, and Donald Trump was able to remain calm. Last week, he reacted to a mass shooting by calling for a ban on Muslims entering the country.
Gotta respect religious liberty, right? Only when it polls well.
What if Trump deployed the same guilt-by-association rhetoric against a different group – one with strong empirical evidence against it? Might sound something like this:
“Hello, everyone! Great to be here. Ready to make America great again? Well, I have a modest proposal based on extensive research, so listen up.
“Men, by far, create most of the world’s problems. They invade other countries, commit the lion’s share of crimes and drain our tax dollars with their out-of-control behavior. Not all men are bad guys, but nearly all bad guys are men. And they cost American taxpayers more than $40 billion a year to clean up after their lawlessness.
“You can build a really nice wall with that kind of dough.
“So until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victim of horrendous attacks by people who believe only in violence and have no sense of reason or respect for human life. Where this impulse for violence comes from and why, we will have to determine.
“In the meantime, this is no country for new men.
“The ban on men entering our country should remain in effect until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on. I know the losers out there will attack me for being politically incorrect, but the facts don’t lie. Men are big troublemakers. I’ve seen it myself. Rapists. Murderers. Terrorists.
“Now, make no mistake, I don’t take this discrimination lightly. Some of my best friends are men, and I’m a pretty terrific guy myself. But we can’t surrender to political correctness while this menace runs amok.
“The next step is to figure out why American men became so radicalized. I, for one, believe it’s because we’ve allowed too many men from strange cultures.
“Look at Jeb Bush. He’s low energy … probably low testosterone. Not a threat. He comes from solid European stock. Me, I’m German. Not much history of violence there. Just common-sense ideas on how to firmly govern.
“Ben Carson seems like a nice fellow, but have you seen the crime rate for black men? I own casinos. I’m an expert on odds. He’s already stabbed one guy. Why roll the dice?
“Marco Rubio? Hot-blooded. Ted Cruz? He says he’s Canadian, but with that last name? Fugetaboutit!
“Now along with this ban, we must profile the men who are already here. Many are radicalized, as evidenced by … uh … if I can read from my notes … the fact that American men own far more guns per capita than men in other countries. They also commit an inordinate number of murders. Your mass shooters are American men.
“We may also have to kick men off the Internet until we can be sure they’re no longer being radicalized there.
“Now, I can already hear the howls of protests from the pantywaists who don’t realize we are at war. FDR wasn’t afraid to put Japanese-Americans in internment camps, and he is revered by all as a great wartime leader. Plus, we can make the camps better this time. We’ll get the illegals to build ’em before we kick ’em out. Win-win.
“America, we are at great peril, and your leaders are lying to you. It’s much worse than you think. We need someone like me who will spread the message of fear, not call fear the enemy.
“We need a new Greatest Generation to rise to the challenge. One that has the courage to look a man in the eye and say, ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ ”
Associate Editor Gary Crooks can be reached at garyc@spokesman.com or (509) 459-5026. Follow him on Twitter @GaryCrooks.