Annie’s Mailbox: Husband can ask dad about distance

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for four years. We were high school sweethearts. We were both briefly married to other people before reuniting, and my husband has a child from his first marriage. My husband was raised by his grandparents, but when he was a teenager, he was introduced to his father and moved in with Dad, his new wife and their child. They had a close relationship, but it seems over now.

It has been six months since we have seen or heard from my in-laws, even though they live in the same city. They often visit their other son, who lives a mile away, but they never come to see us. They say we are welcome anytime, but never phone, text or invite us to family gatherings. My husband works out of town a lot, and I feel awkward showing up at their home without him.

Also a little disturbing is that they remain close with my husband’s ex-wife, which is great for my stepson. But if they can put so much effort into having a relationship with her (and her boyfriend), why not their own son?

Should we address this issue or let it be? – Feeling Ousted by In-Laws

Dear Ousted: The issue should be addressed, but not by you. Your husband should speak up and ask his parents what’s going on. It could be that the ex-wife has asked them to limit contact as a condition of seeing their grandson. Or perhaps your mother-in-law is closer to her biological child than she is to your husband and leaves it to Dad to keep in touch – and Dad is not particularly good at it. If so, it may help for you to make the greater effort to cozy up to your mother-in-law and develop a friendlier relationship. But as always in such cases, there’s only so much you can do without some effort from the other side.