Annie’s Mailbox: Grandma’s death blamed on mom

Dear Annie: When my father died 15 years ago, my mother was in reasonably good health. When she reached the age of 91, she needed caregivers 24 hours a day. I tried to be the best daughter possible, calling twice a day, taking her to doctors’ appointments and doing her shopping and cooking. She frequently told me (and anyone within earshot) how much she appreciated me.

When Mom turned 94, the expense of keeping her in her home became too much. I took her to a neurologist, who concurred that Mom would do well in an assisted-living facility, so I researched several and moved her to one near my home. Mom loved it. Unfortunately, she was there only five weeks when she fell and broke her hip.

From that point on, Mom went quickly downhill both physically and mentally. She refused physical therapy after a few weeks and was transferred to two different hospitals with urinary tract infections. The fifth time she went to the hospital, the doctor suggested putting Mom into hospice care. She died a short time later.

Here is the problem: My two daughters were close to their grandmother and blamed me for her fall, her downhill slide and her death.

Since then, one daughter has become distant, and the other sends venomous text messages. She told everyone that I murdered her grandmother, so she is keeping my grandson from me.

I am in therapy dealing with all of this and have tried to get my girls to go with, but neither one will. Any suggestions? – Brokenhearted

Dear Brokenhearted: We know your daughters are grieving, but they are being terribly unfair to you. Your mother was giving up, and you allowed her that choice. It might help to have Mom’s physician or someone at hospice speak to them about this. Hospice also offers grief counseling, and it sounds as though your daughters could benefit from it.