Annie’s Mailbox: Daughter’s depression goes untreated

Dear Annie: My daughter, “Nina,” suffers from depression. Recently, I went to Seattle to help Nina and her husband move to Texas. It was our family’s hope that I could get her to come back east with me to get her mental health issues straightened out.

Nina was diagnosed with depression when she was in high school. When she is on adequate amounts of an antidepressant, she is a vibrant, intelligent, caring “normal” person. Lately, it has become obvious to us and also to her friends that she is depressed again. But our son-in-law insists that her depression is situational and will clear up on its own. He says she is running away from her adult responsibilities by taking antidepressants.

We worry that Nina’s depression is not being treated and believe this is emotional abuse. Her husband has threatened that if she stays with us, he will divorce her. We are trying to keep in contact, but Nina’s husband won’t allow her to travel by herself, and he certainly has no interest in spending family holidays with us after that last visit. What can we do? My son thinks we may never see Nina again. – Concerned Mom

Dear Mom: Your son-in-law has it exactly backward. Those who commit to an effective program of antidepressants are trying very hard to take “adult responsibility” for their behavior. By encouraging Nina to disregard what is in her best interests, he is putting her life at risk. Unfortunately, without Nina’s cooperation, there is little you can do.

It’s also possible that your son-in-law truly believes the move was the main contributing factor to Nina’s depression, and he may change his tune if the depression doesn’t lift. Don’t let your son-in-law dictate how often you stay in touch with Nina. Your calls and visits are important. Meanwhile, please contact NAMI ( nami.org) at (800) 950-NAMI and ask about their Family-to-Family program.