The Slice: Apple tree idea requires a yay or neigh vote

See what you think of this idea.

My cozy backyard is already dotted with apples that have fallen from an amazingly productive tree. So I was considering trying to arrange for someone to bring a couple of horses over to scarf them up.

What could go wrong?

Last year, I thought about paying two neighbor kids to pick them up. But eventually I decided that my relationship with the family in question is perfect just the way it is. So I did not hire the children. I did the job myself.

The task is not without rewards. If you position the green yard-waste barrel nearby, you can pretend over and over that your accurate underarm tosses are the beginnings of many, many double plays.

The apples aren’t really fit to eat, not for humans anyway. So food bank scenarios are not really applicable.

Yes, we have tasted them. Years ago.

Despite our expressed reservations, a friend of another neighbor once gathered up a bunch of our apples for pie-baking purposes. We never heard from her again.

But maybe horses are not so picky about their fruit servings.

My wife says horses won’t eat apples off the ground. But, though she had cousins who grew up on a farm, I think much of her expertise on equine matters comes from baby boomer precursors to “My Little Pony.”

Still, I suppose it doesn’t have to be horses.

Anyone have any sheep I could borrow? To the best of my knowledge, our yard has been wolf-free for years.

Or maybe cattle are the answer. A couple of cows could probably make quick work of those apples.

When it was all over, I could stride out back and call out “Head ’em up, move ’em out!”

Of course, a lot of Spokane area residents wouldn’t have to worry about this. Hungry deer would have addressed the issue some time ago.

The thing is, I’d sort of like to take care of this before the apples start to ferment. If you had ever seen drunken squirrels in action, you wouldn’t have to ask why.

Today’s Slice question: How can a preschooler know whether his or her stuffed-toy bear is a grizzly?