Annie’s Mailbox: Bride should seek attendants’ input

Dear Annie: I usually agree with your advice, but I think you missed the mark with “Disappointed,” the frustrated bridesmaid. She said the bride ordered hideous dresses, and when the bridesmaids tried to get her to find another, she didn’t like any of them. When “Disappointed” found her own dress, the bride didn’t like it. She then offered to drop out of the wedding party. At the rehearsal dinner, the bride announced that she had a new maid of honor because the other one didn’t want to give a speech.

When a woman agrees to be a bridesmaid, she agrees to the bride’s choice of dress. If they are ugly, no one attending the wedding blames the bridesmaids. “Disappointed” complained that she bought three dresses she could “ill afford.” However, one of them was because the bride was trying to please her bridesmaids, and the last one was because “Disappointed” thought she had better taste than the bride. The bride was kind enough to allow her out of the maid-of-honor role, while keeping her in the wedding party.

As for the “lie” that the bride told at the rehearsal dinner? My guess is the bride thought it sounded better than “my best friend is too selfish to honor my choice of bridesmaid dress.” Personally, I think “Disappointed” sounds like a bridesmaidzilla. – Should Have Eloped

Dear Should Have: We appreciate your spin on the situation, but brides need to take their attendants’ financial situations into consideration when choosing a dress. And a thoughtful bride will ask her bridesmaids to help select the dress to begin with, preventing exactly this type of rancor. As for the lie at the rehearsal dinner, we don’t understand why the bride felt it was necessary to make a public announcement altogether, surprising (and embarrassing) her friend. We will say, however, that an apology – on either side – can go a long way toward repairing a friendship. We hope they can do it.