Doug Clark: It’s no big leap to say these frogs are frightful

‘Ribbit!”

Who knew that this is how the world would end.

Not with a bang, as T.S. Eliot once observed. Or even a whimper.

But with a …

“Ribbit!”

“Voracious Bullfrogs Invading Montana.”

The headline stopped me cold Friday morning when it glared out at me from page A7 in The Spokesman-Review.

Oh, dear.

Having grown up with a serious boob tube addiction, I knew immediately what these four words could mean for humanity, and it ain’t good.

My unease didn’t improve as I started digesting the story’s first sentence.

“BILLINGS – An invasion of American bullfrogs that will eat just about anything – including each other – is spreading …”

Nature vs. Humans.

I’ve seen this battle played out many times in reruns of old scary movies that I used to watch on TV as a kid.

The first one that comes to mind was called “Them!”

It’s a 1954 movie about New Mexico being threatened by some oversized mutant ants that are more hostile than that Occupy Wall Street rabble.

I’m not exactly sure which side won – Us or “Them!”

I do, however, have a vague recollection of the ants somehow making it into the LA sewer system, no doubt looking for representation.

Then there’s “The Birds,” Alfred Hitchcock’s creepy film about an attack on humanity by our feathered friends.

I jumped 2 feet the first time I saw that eyeball-pecking scene.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Doug, those movies aren’t real. They’re science fiction.”

Perhaps.

Or maybe they’re cautionary tales meant to remind us what can happen when we stop showing Mother Nature who’s the boss.

This Montana frog menace, for example.

Consider the following actual quote that appeared in the story from biologist Adam Sepulveda.

“They are going to eat anything they can fit into their mouths,” he warned. “It doesn’t matter if it’s another frog or a bird or a mosquito.”

Question: Who do you think these batrachian brutes will add to the menu once they’ve grown to the size of Buicks from dining on all the birds, mosquitoes and their slower-moving pals?

Do the math, people!

I can’t think of a lousier way to croak than being gobbled alive by a slippery horde of ravenous, bloated bullfrogs.

We need to hop to it before these critters cross into Idaho and make like a conga line for smorgasbord Spokane.

Convincing the public to see this imminent frog threat won’t be easy.

Not that I’m bragging, but most people haven’t devoted the time that I have to viewing environmental documentaries like “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” or “The Blob,” my all-time favorite.

These days, everyone is preoccupied with lesser concerns, such as …

Bloodthirsty terrorists, Russians invading Ukraine, hackers stealing our credit card information, lunatics running uninvited into the White House, renaming the Washington Redskins, abandoned semitrucks loaded with rotting chicken, Iran getting a nuke, Israel getting nuked, California going up in flames and global warming (or “climate change” if the globe keeps getting colder).

Oops. I almost forgot about that nasty Ebola.

You know, when you start looking at all that has gone wrong lately, it’s pretty obvious that the world’s in one helluva mess.

This bullfrog takeover may be that biblical trumpeting alarm that signals The End of Everything as we know it.

“Ribbit!”