Annie’s Mailbox: Love for ex’s daughter remains

Dear Annie: I was in a long-distance relationship with “Jerry” for six years. He frequently spoke about commitment, but when he still wasn’t ready to do anything after all that time, I broke things off. That was a month ago.

Although our breakup wasn’t particularly acrimonious, it has been difficult emotionally. I used to spend summers with Jerry and his now 9-year-old daughter and took care of her while he worked. We developed a close bond.

I’ve only spoken to Jerry once since our breakup, but I’m wondering what I should do about his daughter. I still love her and would do anything for her, but I don’t want to overstep my ex-status. How do I say goodbye from a distance? I don’t want to hurt her. – Miss Her, Not Him

Dear Miss: This is not an uncommon problem when couples split up. There is still an attachment to the children, and more importantly, the children often feel the loss. Please talk to Jerry about this. Ask whether his daughter is having difficulties with your breakup and what you can do to help. Perhaps you could write her an occasional letter or email, maintaining a distant friendship so she knows you have not abandoned her. While you should do nothing to encourage a belief that you and Dad are getting back together, make sure she understands that she will always have a place in your heart and she can call or write you any time. We trust Jerry won’t get in the way of something that is in his daughter’s best interest.