Doug Clark: Turn ‘County Crank’ sign prank into cash for food bank

I have a hundred – do I hear $200?

Yes. That’s two hundred.

Do I hear more?

Anyone? Anyone?

Winners have won. Losers are probably still stunned.

Life, however, beats on.

So let the auction of Campaign 2014 begin for a worthy cause.

As promised in my Tuesday column, I spent election night haunting the major political gatherings where I asked candidates to autograph two of my “Doug Clark for County Crank” campaign signs.

One sign for Democrats. One sign for Republicans.

I’m relieved to say they graciously obliged.

Ozzie and Cathy and Al and Mike and Mary Lou and Joe and Amy and Rich and …

They’re all there. Well, all of them I could track down.

So today, I will auction away these rare pieces of political memorabilia, suitable for framing or patching a broken window.

ALL proceeds go to Second Harvest food bank to help feed the area’s hungry.

I have started the bidding by putting 100 bucks of my own loot on each poster.

Will anyone do better?

All it takes to join the auction is to submit your best offer via my contact information below. Leave a name and phone number, please.

Before getting to that, however, a little background is in order – plus a revelation.

The Doug Clark for County Crank campaign sign came as a surprise when it showed up one day at the newspaper.

“Get off my lawn,” it declares next to a silhouette in white of presumably me strumming a guitar under a tree.

Funny.

This practical joke, it can now be revealed, is the work of incumbent Republican state Sen. Mike Baumgartner.

Quite the multitasker, this Baumgartner.

Ensconced in a tense and costly campaign against Democratic challenger Rich Cowan, Baumgartner still managed to find the time to play a prank on yours truly.

A column I wrote about how much I hate campaign signs hatched an insidious scheme.

“You know what I’m gonna do?” mused Baumgartner. “I’m gonna make a sign for Clark.”

He told me this when I called him Wednesday. In an ironic stroke, he was out picking up his litter – I mean, his campaign signs.

After coming up with the crank concept, Baumgartner asked his legislative aide, Joe Jackson, to design the artwork in his off time.

The tree and guitar were a nice touch, Joe.

Baumgartner’s original plan was to blitz an area near my home with Clark for Crank signs. Then he’d sit back and wait for me to drive by and see them.

And then crash into a real tree from the shock.

Fortunately, my probable death was avoided thanks to economics.

“It dawned on me that campaign signs aren’t cheap,” he added.

So the gag was scaled back. Only a few signs were made and then taken to The Spokesman-Review by a good-humored accomplice.

“In the big-picture sense, you have to have some moments of levity and take a break now and then and have a joke,” said Baumgartner, who handily retained his 6th District Senate seat Tuesday night.

Election night was pretty jovial, all things considered.

Then again, I left the Democrats’ party at the Lincoln Center just as the results were rolling in. After that the mood might’ve been more like the ending of “Old Yeller,” I’m guessing.

But I’m happy to report that while I was there, every candidate I chatted with had a good attitude.

Cowan, for example, figured he had knocked on the doors of some 23,000 houses while on the campaign trail. He considered it “an honor” to have done so.

“Win or lose,” he said, “I learned so much.”

Another candidate I spent time with referred to his opponent as “a good guy” who was merely angry at the way the system doesn’t work.

Imagine that.

Maybe he’ll challenge me for County Crank in the next election.