Annie’s Mailbox: Mom’s still-married beau irks daughter

Dear Annie: I was widowed five years ago, after 36 years of marriage. Recently, I reunited with my boyfriend from junior high school. “Harry” is in the final weeks of a divorce.

It turns out that Harry and I are very much in love. Unfortunately, my oldest daughter is extremely angry that I am dating a man whose divorce is not final. She refuses to meet Harry and wants me to stop seeing him. She will not visit me or permit me to spend time with my two grandchildren as long as I am with Harry.

I have always been close to my three adult children. I am terribly hurt by my daughter’s refusal to allow contact. We have gone to counseling separately, and I am hoping, in time, that we can get some joint counseling. But right now, my daughter won’t even talk to me. We are at an impasse. Any advice? – Widow

Dear Widow: If your daughter truly objects to your seeing a man who is not yet legally divorced, then there will be no change until his status is resolved. And you might consider waiting. While you knew Harry as a young girl, your current relationship is new. Please take your time.

Your daughter also may feel that you are trying to replace her father, and she could reject any man you date. Many grown children have a difficult time accepting that their widowed parent is in love with someone else. They feel that as long as you remain a grieving widow, your late husband is the love of your life. Anything else is a betrayal. It is, of course, terribly selfish of any child to deny parents such future happiness and expect them to live in the past. We hope counseling helps you both.