Annie’s Mailbox: Use place cards at next family dinner

Dear Annie: Whenever I invite my siblings over for a family dinner, one sister waits until the very last minute and then brings another person. This isn’t some informal buffet. It’s a sit-down dinner. In order for everyone to have a seat and a place setting, I expect to have an accurate headcount in advance. But my sister does this every single time. Last night, she brought her daughter’s boyfriend.

I do not have a lot of chairs in my house, and my father had already brought extras. Since I didn’t know this boyfriend was coming, all the chairs were accounted for, along with the necessary plates and silverware. Worse, they arrived before another couple and took one of the seats intended for them. My niece didn’t even bother to apologize that she had brought an uninvited guest without informing me.

I am sick of this rude behavior. When I invite my family members, I always ask for an RSVP, whether by phone, email or text. I also always have been open to including any of the young adults bringing friends, as long as they let me know ahead of time. Even though I wanted to tell this niece that she and her boyfriend could stand, I scrambled and used a piano bench as a seat so everyone had a place.

What I want to know is, as the hostess, am I allowed to make specifications regarding attendance in my home? How do I handle such things? – Tired of Rude Family

Dear Tired: As the hostess, you are obligated to make your guests comfortable, even the last-minute, uninvited ones. However, since this is also family and they come often, please speak up when you issue the next invitation. Tell your sister and her daughter directly that if they are planning to bring an extra guest, you expect them to let you know in advance. It is also a nice touch to use place cards so that all of the guests have an assigned seat, and the uninvited ones get the piano bench.