The Slice: For kids, near nature means near alibis

The oral history of children not being candid about how certain accidents happened includes countless stories of family pets getting blamed for broken vases and mysteriously torn Christmas present wrapping.

Yes, innocent dogs and cats have been unfairly taking the rap for household misdemeanors ever since the first kid realized that blaming younger siblings didn’t always work because many little brothers and sisters are capable of mounting a vigorous defense.

Better to finger someone who cannot testify against you.

Of course, parents are not total dopes. So Shep or Mittens seldom get convicted and sentenced.

Often, mom or dad knows exactly who is guilty. And they have ways of extracting, if not a full confession, at least a nolo contendere admission along the lines of “Mistakes were made.”

But alibi-seeking Inland Northwest children have an advantage over kids in many parts of the country.

They don’t have to blame just pets. They can hand up an indictment against any of the many kinds of wildlife that populate our neck of the woods.

“How that magpie got in here, I don’t know.”

Sure, children in much of the urbanized United States might be able to accuse skunks or raccoons of making that mess out in the garage. But Spokane-area kids can charge moose, crows, coyotes, cougars, bears and eagles with all sorts of amazing transgressions. Being so near nature, it’s practically the perfect plea because there is a small but real possibility that these wide-eyed accounts are credible.

After all, parents want to believe their kids. And if little Duhkotah says an osprey snatched dad’s watch, well, stranger things have happened around here.

Moreover, if the prevaricating youth plays, say, the mountain lion card, even the most skeptical parental unit has to pause for a moment to weigh the remote chance that young Maddysun’s life might have been in mortal danger.

“A cougar took the box of cookies?”

“Yes, and though that cat said I’d better not tell, I figured you should know. Boy, he was big. Should I call Rich Landers?”

“Not yet, honey. Let’s talk about this a little more.”

Today’s Slice question: Are teens still supposed to be home by 11?