Annie’s Mailbox: Second husband has grown distant

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Ryan” for three years, and we dated for two years before that. It’s a second marriage for both of us. My first marriage was miserable and lonely, and I wanted to make sure to do it right the next time. When I met Ryan, he was supportive and accepting of my two sons. He made the effort to spend time with them. He was attentive to me. I thought he was perfect.

The problems started not long after we moved in together. He became distant and moody and spent most of his day in front of the TV. Now, after five years, Ryan has completely alienated my boys, his co-workers and everyone else. No matter what I ask of him, he blows it off as if I’m crazy. He doesn’t seem to care that he’s pushing us away. Ryan’s doctor put him on an antidepressant to help him sleep, but he refuses to take it. He doesn’t believe he has a problem.

I miss my husband, Annie. His behavior has done such a complete 180 that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I am tired of making excuses for him. He won’t go to counseling. I’d go alone, but I don’t have the money. Should I cut my losses and walk away? – Frustrated in Flint, Mich.

Dear Flint: Some suitors put on a good show during courtship, and once the relationship is set, they revert to form. If that’s the case, things are unlikely to change, and you might be better off leaving. However, a “complete 180” could also indicate that Ryan is depressed, overwhelmed by his sudden family obligations or has an underlying medical problem. Suggest he get a complete physical. You also can find low-cost counseling for yourself through your church or United Way.