Son’s behavior puzzles mom, dad

Dear Annie: My husband and I have three adult sons. The oldest and youngest are married, but the middle son (age 56) is not. He has his own house in our neighborhood and has had a younger man living with him for many years. We assume our son is gay, which is fine, but he has never admitted it.

The last time we saw our son was Father’s Day. I sent him a birthday card in late July and asked why we haven’t heard from him. I reassured him that we love him. I received no response. We then called and left phone messages twice. Still no word.

When we do get together, our son is friendly, pleasant and charming. However, we are hurt and disappointed that he never invites us over, nor does he keep in touch other than a few times a year. Should we just accept this behavior or confront him in person by showing up at his home? – Pariahs, Not Parents

Dear Parents: Oh, please don’t do that. Some children are not comfortable having their parents over, and an unexpected visit would likely make matters worse.

If you believe the “younger man” is his partner, we hope you have welcomed both of them to your home. Your son might appreciate your acceptance of this man as part of his life, and it may make him more amenable to closer contact. But our main concern is whether your son is OK. Is it unusual not to have heard from him since June, despite your birthday card and phone messages? You might want to call once more and tell him you are worried about his well-being.