Carolyn Hax: Daughter lacks consideration

Dear Carolyn: My daughter, “Emma,” recently got engaged and posted it on Facebook. That same morning, her cousin got on the phone and told her grandmother about the engagement rather than waiting for the bride-to-be to tell her (the grandmother is not on Facebook).

Should I be offended that my nephew jumped the gun and told my mother before Emma could get a chance to call her and tell her? It’s always the case that my sister and her son have to be in everyone’s business, then wonder why people get offended.

I think my nephew could have kept his mouth shut for a couple days until Emma had a chance to call her grandma. Am I being unreasonable? – Getting tired of it being my fault when I get offended by their lack of consideration

Completely unreasonable. The sole person responsible for this “lack of consideration” is Emma, who chose to scatter her news to the wind.

If you don’t think that was fair to your mother, then you’re entitled to your opinion – but you’re not entitled to blame the wind. That your mother got the news secondhand is the direct consequence of Emma’s decision to go online before she “could get a chance” to tell Grandma. She easily could have called her grandmother before she opted for the blast announcement to her online community. That community can certainly be forgiven for assuming there was no embargo on the news.

If your mother wasn’t upset that she heard the news from your nephew, then no response on your part was necessary. If she was upset, then Emma was the one you needed to call, to note respectfully that Grandma was feeling left out.