Brush off mom’s negativity with sigh

Dear Annie: My patience is running thin with my 92-year-old mother’s rude and hurtful behavior. When I talk to her about it, she just laughs and brushes it off.

I wasn’t around my mother through most of my marriage, but a few years ago, she moved in order to be closer to me. My husband and I are now retired, and I see to Mom’s needs.

I don’t know if she’s been like this for years, if it’s her age or if she has become bitter since my father died, but she is truly difficult to be around. If my husband and I take her out to dinner, she will complain that the food isn’t as good as she could have made at home. If I bring her a home-cooked meal, she will tell me it was OK, but would have tasted better if I’d added this or that.

My brothers live out of state and, as a gift, had a ramp installed on her front porch, thinking this would make her life easier. She told me it was “nice,” but believes they did it only to increase the home’s value and not for her benefit. Yet, she uses it every day. Of course, I wouldn’t tell this to my brothers, because I don’t want them to be hurt.

Her friends and other family members think Mom is just great. And truthfully, she can be caring and generous, but she is so negative around me. What can I do? – Need Patience

Dear Patience: It is unlikely that you are going to change your mother at this stage of the game, so we urge you to find a way to ignore her chronic complaining, which, by the way, is not unusual between parents and children. We recommend you learn to sigh and say, “Yes, Mom.” She isn’t trying to hurt you. She simply wants to be important and the focus of your attention.