Clark: Crosswalk sign reflects prosecutor’s spirit of giving

The giving season is in full swing here in the Lilac City.

Unfortunately, Spokane’s idea of giving is weirder than anything you might see in one of those warm-and-squishy holiday movies.

Example 1 – The county prosecutor’s office is giving breaks to serial drunk drivers.

At least that’s the way it looked for James L. Crabtree, a former county cop with long history of drug/alcohol-fueled wrecks.

Remember Crabtree?

He’s the menace who was found passed out in his Caddy following a Nov. 17 incident in which he supposedly rear-ended another car. In a burst of doing the right thing, some socially responsible drivers kept Crabtree from leaving by boxing in his vehicle with their cars.

And yet Crabtree was able to exit Superior Court on Tuesday with his driving privileges intact.

How so?

To quote our front-page story, Mary Ann Brady, the prosecutor overseeing the 49-year-old’s latest felony DUI case, “failed to file the paperwork on time.”

Brady defends herself by saying she hadn’t yet decided on what charges to file.

So I’m sure she’ll get it all sorted out.

Charges will be filed and justice will come.

It’s Steve Tucker’s office, after all. What could possibly go wrong?

It is disconcerting to know that Crabtree is still legally able to slide behind the wheel and head out on our roadways should he so desire.

Well, there’s no sense fretting.

Here’s an idea. Let’s all lift our voices and entertain ourselves by singing some new lines to the tune of that cheerful seasonal chestnut, “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

“On the first of December my paper said to me,

“A miscarriage for a Crabtree!

“He walked into court, but he skated out free.

“Too freakin’ bad. It’s a miscarriage for a Crabtreeeee!!!”

Example 2 – The city’s crossing signals have been giving the finger to pedestrians.

That was the case at Second and Walnut, where the flashing “Don’t Walk” hand actually appeared to be extending the international middle-fingered salute.

The gesture, which is used to connote varying degrees of emotion from contempt to salty humor, is best known by two words:

“The bird.”

Over the years, however, I have also heard it referred to as: “the finger,” “flipping off” and the “fickle finger of fate.”

During particularly contentious Spokane City Council meetings, I suppose it would also be OK to call it “giving someone The Shogan.”

Anyway, witnesses to the crosswalk gesticulation were highly amused.

“People sure got a kick out of it,” said Carrie Wisenor in our online news story. “They’d come in here in a crummy mood, then I’d say ‘look at that’ and they’d crack up.”

I wish I could tell you to go see the sign.

Sadly, a work crew was summoned to Second and Walnut on Tuesday. When they were done, the sign’s individuality had been lobotomized like Jack Nicholson in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

That’s the trouble with this burg: no sense of humor.

Perhaps we’ll never know what provoked this solitary sign to act out.

Skeptics will no doubt try to explain the phenomenon away. They’ll claim it was some sort of mechanical malfunction or maybe a snow-related problem.

I take a more metaphysical view.

If the image of Mary or Jesus can crop up on a taco now and then, why can’t a crosswalk sign become a sentient being?

Maybe this sign was trying to convey an important message to us. I like to think it was saying…

“What? Crabtree could be back on the road again? (%@#$%!!) YOU!!!