Daughter behaving like a drug addict

Dear Annie: Eleven years ago, when my daughter was 18, she agreed to have her stepmother adopt her. This removed me as the natural mother from her birth certificate. I cannot get over this unforgivable act. I never gave my child up. Every Mother’s Day and on her birthday, I cry buckets. I write her letters without mailing them as a way of dealing with the pain. What kind of child does this?

Last year, I loaned this same daughter $4,000 because she couldn’t pay her mortgage. Of course, if I hadn’t loaned her the money, she would have blamed me for losing her house. But instead of using it for the mortgage, she spent the money on drugs. She recently filed for bankruptcy, and this loan was part of the paperwork. It brought back all the pain from the adoption. Who erases their mother the same way they erase a debt? I called her up and finally told her what I thought and said I was removing her from my will.

I am OK with my decision. If she and the stepmother were to undo the adoption, I would forgive her, but not until then. I hope she sees this in print. – Newport, Wash.

Dear Newport: If your daughter is a drug addict and has been since she was 18, she is doing what is expedient and what allows her to get the drugs she is desperate for. We know this is terribly painful for you, and we hope someday your daughter will see things differently. Meanwhile, please contact Families Anonymous (familiesanonymous.org) at (800) 736-9805 for additional assistance.