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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Boyfriend shows abusive bent

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been dating “Shawn” for a little over a year. We are very much in love and talking about marriage. Shawn has an excellent career. I have been unemployed for the last couple of months, and he has not let me forget it. Every time I come to his house, he greets me by saying sarcastically, “So, did you have a hard day at work today?”

Shawn expects me to clean his apartment every time I visit because I “don’t do anything all day.” Every time we go to a restaurant or grocery store, he makes me feel guilty that he has to spend some of his greens on his unemployed girlfriend.

I am planning to go back to school next year, but he wants me to go back immediately. I have no intention of relying on a man to take care of me, but that’s not good enough for Shawn. When I met him, I was a housekeeper, and he now says if I want us to stay together, I need to work for more than minimum wage.

I want Shawn to support my decisions, but his attitude doesn’t give me much hope for our future. I am so sick of his endless remarks about me working and going to school, and that he otherwise doesn’t want to be with me. Is it possible he just wants what is best for me? – Unemployed Ursula

Dear Ursula: It sounds like he wants what is best for him. It’s not bad advice for you to get your act together sooner rather than later, and if you haven’t been actively seeking employment, you should. But the stream of sarcastic comments does not speak well for Shawn, and it is a bad dynamic in a relationship when one partner feels entitled to belittle the other. If this is how Shawn behaves when he’s “in love,” he’s likely to be even more verbally abusive when you are married. If you are determined to stay in this relationship, please get premarital counseling before making any further commitment.

Dear Annie: My daughter is getting married soon. Her aunts and cousins live out of state. They are on our wedding guest list, but is it proper to invite them to the bridal shower two months before? I don’t want them to feel left out, but I also don’t want an invitation to look as if we are trolling for presents. Should I send along a note saying they are not obligated to send a gift? – Concerned Mother of the Bride

Dear Mother: It is not necessary to send shower invitations to guests who live out of state and cannot attend. If there are grandmothers, you can send them invitations as a courtesy. It is perfectly OK, however, to simply call the aunts and say how much you wish they lived closer so they could participate in the local festivities.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar write for Creators Syndicate.