Annie’s Mailbox: Mom needs serious help

Dear Annie: Several months ago, I came home from work to find that my mother had taken her things and moved out of our house. She served my father with divorce papers and told my sister and me that we should never contact her again because we were selfish and “took” from her, and that she failed in raising us. I was devastated and livid at the same time. I have not had contact with Mom since.

I’ve always done as much as possible for her and even agreed with her when she was wrong, but nothing ever satisfied her. I am still angry, but also afraid. For months before she abandoned us, she would do nothing but sit in bed in her pajamas, writing “books” on a laptop. She started eating only fast-food, would not talk to other family members and, though she lived in the house, was preparing an apartment elsewhere. My father was oblivious.

Mom started fights and her health seemed in decline. I told her I thought she was suffering from depression, but she accused me of calling her “crazy.” She is not working and gets by on temporary alimony.

My sister visited her at Christmas and said Mom had no food in her pantry and was not taking her prescription medication. She also noticed a lump on my mother’s neck. I cried when she told me this.

I want to shake my mother back to reality. There is something wrong. If she is ill, I won’t abandon her, but how do you help someone who refuses to see you? – Abandoned and Angry

Dear Abandoned: Between the lump on her neck and the irrational behavior, we think your mother needs to see a doctor immediately. Talk to your father and also to any of your mother’s extended family members. Ask for their help in convincing Mom to seek medical care. You cannot force her to do this, but you should not walk away without a fight. It sounds like Mom needs some serious assistance.

Dear Annie: My husband and I enjoy going out to breakfast or dinner on weekends. Recently, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being seated near other diners who speak loudly about things you really don’t want to hear, such as their bout of gastroenteritis or a recent ear wash. In both cases, the restaurants were small and crowded, so moving to another table was not an option.

Mind you, I’m not in any way squeamish, but this grossed me out. Is there any polite way of letting them know that others don’t really want to listen to such things while they’re eating? – The Lab Lady

Dear Lab Lady: There’s not much you can do in these instances except tune them out.