A bittersweet break from chaos of family life

For the past several days, Molly and I have been at home in the quiet, watching the Olympics, eating meals loaded with fresh vegetables, luxuriating in a clean house and generally relishing kidless days. Our two boys are at their dad’s house for the rest of the month.

I talked to my dad soon after we were home from the long turnaround day of driving the kids over to the west side of the state and he said, “I know, you miss them already, don’t you?”

In his voice I could hear the nostalgia for the days when he and I had periodic visits and also the note of experience in what it felt like to say goodbye. I wondered, though, if he also used to enjoy not having the responsibility of parenting for spaces of time.

From the moment we pulled away from their dad’s house, I felt more relaxed than I ever have leaving the boys for their vacation-time visits. It was rather late in the day, but I felt no sense of rush to get through Seattle traffic or outrun the clouds that threatened heavy rain.

Once at home, I felt more of the same and finally realized it was because for the next three weeks Molly and I have absolutely nothing we have to do or anywhere we have to be. No obligations, no commitments, just us.

In summers past, we have gone on vacations of our own when the boys are gone. Traveling with Molly is grand, but leaving the house for a couple of weeks at a time can mean busy days of preparation. At Christmas time, busyness happens with or without children around.

Growing up as a gay woman – that is, once I came out and started understanding what my life would be like – I came to think my chosen family would always be just two people. I fantasized that once I found my life partner, we would be in a perpetual honeymoon phase.

It seemed to me that couples without kids could revel every weekend in leisurely Sunday mornings with the newspaper or early bike rides ending at a favorite coffee house. Without the routine of kids, spontaneity could be embraced or opportunities to travel gobbled up.

As we puttered about cleaning the house, Molly, who has been a mom much longer than I, surprised me with a proposal to take a leaf out of our kitchen table and put only two chairs around it.

“Let’s fully embrace the twoness of us,” she said.

I suspect our enjoyment is compounded precisely because a home without the bustle of kids is not our norm.

And because my dad was right, I miss the boys, which makes these weeks sweet with the anticipation of return.