Carolyn Hax: Career change should take family into effect

Dear Carolyn: I am unhappy with my current job. For this area it is a very well-paying job. I have told my wife that I’m not happy and that I would like to move on to another job. At this point her opinion is that this is my midlife crisis and that every job will have its drawbacks. I understand that I am responsible for supporting my family (i.e. house, car, utility bills, etc.) and that I can’t just jump to another job; it will be very hard to find another job in this area that pays this well, and moving when my youngest has only a year of high school left doesn’t make sense.

At what point can I say the heck with it and jump ship to another job? Is it when the youngest is graduated from college? Is this a midlife crisis? – Disgruntled in Wisconsin

It’ll be a marital crisis, if you say “the heck with it and jump ship.”

You owe it to your family to keep stability in mind – at the front of your mind – when you weigh any drastic change.

Fortunately, your family owes it to you to consider your needs, too, and not just bang their forks on the table while you grind your soul into food, shelter and gas money.

Apply both of those obligations to your situation, and what you get is a lot of thinking to do.

First, think about what you want – from work, from weekends, from life. Even from your family. Next, try to imagine these ideals in job form. Next, research these vague job ideas to see if any of them are realistic, appealing, lucrative (enough) and attainable for someone with your experience, training and skills.

Think, too, what kind of support you’d like from your wife, and ask for it. You may not get any, no matter how fair and thoughtful your plan – she may fear change, love money, distrust you for reasons good or ill, or present some other obstacle her husband would know to expect. But your chances for her support certainly look better if you have a purpose and include her in it, as opposed to burning the nest egg in the job equivalent of a red convertible sports car.

Carolyn: My boss talks to me with her eyes closed. All the time. And sometimes she actually tilts her head back as if she were looking down her nose at me (if she had her eyes open). It drives me insane. I’ve considered starting to do it to her. She’d notice, because she only closes her eyes when she talks. – In the Dark

Mocking your boss – now there’s a clever career move.

What are you expecting me to say here – go for it? Throw in a Cartman impression?

It’s possible this is her way of organizing her thoughts or even working around a social phobia.

And it’s certain this isn’t your problem, as long as these conversations with your boss are conveying the information each of you needs for the job. If a colleague’s eccentricity is merely driving you insane, then it’s your job to find a way to stay glued. I suggest you do it.