The Slice: Don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no

I‘m going to start wearing sunglasses.

There, I said it.

OK, there’s no real reason that would interest you. I realize that.

But by making this declaration in print, I’m pretty much committing myself to following through with this pledge.

Sorry if that makes you feel used.

I should have done this long ago. They say too much sunlight is bad for your eyes. And walking home on weekday afternoons, I probably get zapped with a seriously unhealthy level of ultra-violet rays.

UV rays have been linked to the onset of macular degeneration. That’s not just a theoretical risk in my family. My father, who turns 90 this summer, has an advanced case. He’s virtually blind.

So, why have I waited – despite the prodding of loved ones?

Well, it’s like this. I’ve been afraid that people would think I’m one of those “Are you diggin’ me?” sunglasses wearers.

Ridiculous, I know. A grown man making a decision based on something like that is just silly. I’m not in junior high anymore.

Here’s the thing, though. Over the years, I’ve encountered more than a few sunglasses wearers I sincerely could not stand.

You know the type. They think dark lenses magically make them cool.

Think of guys who call women “baby.” Think of self-impressed women who think they are hot.

It would be hard to overestimate my desire to not be like that.

Still, that was a pretty weak argument against protecting my eyes. After all, the vast majority of people who don sunglasses are perfectly fine folks. They wear them for practical, common-sense reasons.

And it’s not like I’ve never worn a pair. I have had them on during car trips, for instance. I understand that glorious “suddenly your whole face relaxes” feeling. I get it about neutralizing glare.

Still, when it came to wearing them while out walking around, I balked. I was worried someone would conclude yours truly was a hipster doofus, I guess.

Of course, that’s ridiculous. Because I already wear glasses and don’t have contacts, the sunglasses I’ll need will be those old-guy style that fit over your face like goggles.

So there’s not much chance people will suspect I’m trying to be stylish. Onlookers are more apt to conclude that I forgot my cane.

Maybe that has been part of my problem. In my desire to avoid looking like I was trying to be cool, I secretly feared that — if I did don the sort of sunglasses that would fit over my regular glasses — I would look decidedly uncool.

Hey, I never said my reluctance was logical.

Anyway, I suspect I am not the only area resident who has struggled with sunglasses phobia. But we all need to get over it. Our vision could very well depend on it.

“Today’s Slice question: What happened the first time you tried water-skiing?