The Slice: Remember: The world is watching

With the figure skating championships just a week away, it’s time to start practicing our gasps.

You know, for when skaters fall.

We don’t want visitors thinking we are rubes. So let’s avoid apoplectic exclamations that start with “Holy…” or “Sweet mother of …”

A safe bet might be a nice, sympathetic “Ahhhhhh” or a compassionate “Ohhhhhh.”

“Favorite real estate euphemisms: “Lake view,” said Kathy Hansen.

You know, in the ads that feature a lovely photo of the lake. “The implication is the view is from the home, but really it’s from the main road.”

Linda Murray and her husband, Mike Montague, enjoy seeing “food preparation area” to describe the kitchen.

“Hey, if people can name their cars…: The Slice heard about a local elderly woman who named her personal pedestrian-stability device.

She calls it “Walker, Texas Ranger.”

“Just wondering: Have gunshots ever been exchanged between Spokane neighbors over chimes left out in high winds?

“Lesser-known hit: The South Hill’s Mary Testa-Smith came across an ad for a CD music collection that included Brook Benton’s classic “Rainy Night in Georgia.”

But there was one little problem. The ad actually listed the song as “Rainy Night in George.”

Perhaps, she speculated, that was a follow-up tune set in a little town in central Washington.

A rainy night in George, such a rainy night in George

It seems like it’s rainin’ all over the world.

“Slice answers (first kiss): “I was 15 and walking my first boyfriend out the door,” said Ursula Radke. “I was leaning my head against the door when he leaned in with his eyes closed for a kiss.

“He missed my mouth by a nose, and slobbered my eye.”

She closed the door and ran laughing through the house.

The boy? I assume he walked home, smacking himself in the head along the way.

A more successful first smooch took place recently in the elevator of a Spokane retirement community. The kissee, a 90-year-old widow named Kay, gave the gentleman’s surprise move a thumbs up.

“Official pastime in a new state carved out of Eastern Washington and North Idaho: According to Kay Krom of LaCrosse, Wash., it would be “Second-guessing Mark Few.”

“New idea: Well, it doesn’t look like an ice-cream maker is ever going to run with my concept for the huckleberry-flavored “Grizzly Beary.”

So how about a beer called Bluff Charge?

It could be perfect beverage for bars frequented by bruins or single people.

“Today’s Slice question: Does anyone else chuckle when hearing TV weather people refer to “snow bursts”?