Acts of gratitude go beyond the necessary

Dear Miss Manners: I try to appreciatively acknowledge when I receive superior service with organizations like chain stores, tech support, government employees, etc. I’ve done the obvious:

“Said thanks to the person (profound grasp of the obvious).

“Mentioned their name to their manager. If in a rush, made a note to myself to call later before I forgot.

“Gone to store Web site to use “Contact Us” (time consuming, but perhaps there is a better way).

“Asked for them on subsequent visits, as applicable

If I’ve gotten something like flowers for my wife with me, give them one (but not in a flirtatious manner and done very carefully if my wife is not with me, and only to females after mentioning in passing at least twice something like, “My wife and I live a couple of miles from here,” as fits the circumstances).

I’m looking for the best r.o.i. (return on investment) – less time consuming, so I will be inclined to do this more rather than less, especially when I am in a rush to get home to prepare a backlog of thank-you cards.

I suppose I could have some small cards made up?

Gentle Reader: Nobody believes in commending good service, both to the person who provided it and to that person’s supervisor, more than Miss Manners. Or so she would have thought until she saw your routine.

The commendation to the manager, the letter and the Web site offer alternative ways of notifying the supervisor; doing all three is overkill. Thanking the person is gracious; handing out flowers and cards is, well, a bit bizarre.

You are not only burdening yourself unnecessarily but perhaps scaring these good people and making their supervisors suspect that you must be related to them.

Dear Miss Manners: I am feeling incorrect. A colleague recently became engaged and was delightedly showing her ring to the women at work. Each one squealed, “Congratulations!”

While I am as happy as the others are for her, it seems a bit like she won the grand prize on a game show rather than committed to a lifetime of caring and responsibility.

What is the “correct” response? I settled for something along the order of “I’m sooooo happy for you!” which did not seem as celebratory but was the best I could do on short notice.

There are many young, unmarried, women in my office, and I am sure to have to know the answer to this question in the near future.

Gentle Reader: It is you whom Miss Manners must congratulate. You have stumbled accidentally on the correct approach.

Strictly speaking, a lady should never be congratulated on her engagement or marriage, however charming the gentleman. It is he who is officially the lucky one, to whom congratulations are given.

She is properly wished happiness.