Annie’s Mailbox: Dad intrudes on her private life

Dear Annie: I’m a 44-year-old woman, twice-divorced and an only child. I live next door to my father, a widower in his late 70s.

The problem is, I have no private life because of Dad’s constant intrusion. He no longer drives, although I’m sure he could if he wanted, so I provide all his taxi services, most of his shopping and whatever else I can to help him.

That’s only part of it. Dad thinks it’s appropriate for him to pass judgment on the men I’m seeing, and he becomes very angry if he thinks I’m dating someone he doesn’t approve of – and that means everybody. Neither of my husbands were in his good graces, which led to lots of stress for me and certainly contributed to the demise of my second marriage.

Short of selling my home and moving away, leaving Dad to fend for himself, what can I do? – Almost Like Living at Home

Dear Almost: You are giving Dad a great deal of influence over your life, and obviously, you resent it. So why do you pay so much attention to his opinions? You are not going to change his bossy attitude. It’s admirable that you want to be nearby so you can be of assistance to him, but you must learn to let his comments roll off your back or you will never have a social life. Dad doesn’t need to be introduced to casual dates, and if he dislikes a boyfriend, tell him, “Sorry you don’t approve, Dad, but it’s not your decision,” and mean it.

Dear Annie: I have an 8-year-old neighbor who makes herself right at home in our house. “Latrice” comes over first thing in the morning and stays through dinner.

Latrice’s parents both work a lot and she’s home with her two older siblings, so I know she’s lonely. She’s a good role model for my kids and does help out. I also feel like we’ve been a benefit to her – taking her to church and to the library for the first time, and going on bike rides together.

My husband is off work only one day a week, and we like to spend that day with him. When I tell Latrice we need some family time, she asks about our plans.

I know we need to set limits, but how can we do that without hurting her feelings? – Feeling Squished

Dear Squished: Think of it this way – you would be doing Latrice a huge favor if you could make her understand that it’s possible to overstay your welcome. Gently explain that your husband’s day off is “family-only time” and she will have to go home. Period. If she comes over anyway, say, “Sorry, Latrice. It’s family-only day. See you tomorrow.” Smile warmly, and close the door.