Surviving the loss of a spouse

There are no easy answers to how to cope with the loss of a spouse, no list of directions on how to do it. We each have to find our own way. But there are some general guidelines to help get you through the grieving process.

“First and foremost is to take care of yourself. Guard your health, sleep as well as you can, and eat right.

“Handle the disposition of your spouse’s belongings yourself. Don’t let this task fall to others; it’s part of the grieving process. Take your time. Don’t give in to others who ask for things that belonged to your spouse. The decisions are yours.

“Ask for what you need. Others often stumble through their offers of assistance, not knowing what to say. Tell them what you need, whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, someone to pick up a prescription at the drug store or an invitation out to dinner.

“Don’t make any major changes in your life for at least a year. Don’t sell your home, don’t move, don’t spend a lot of money, don’t remarry immediately.

“Find a support system, ideally one that will get you out of the house on a regular basis.

“Don’t cave in to your children who may make demands about how the rest of your life should go, or about finances or anything else. Stay in charge of your life.

“Be patient with yourself. You might be tired for a long time, with no energy. That’s normal. Do what you can when you can.

“Talk to someone, whether it’s a friend, member of the clergy, or a counselor. For a mental health referral in your area, call the National Mental Health Information Center at 1-800-789-2647.

Remember: Taking care of yourself is your first priority.