Off-court anticipation builds

For the wives of head coaches, the college basketball season arrives each fall with a basketful of mixed feelings slung over its arm.

Packed inside is the excitement and anticipation of a new season. But that basket also contains a great deal of angst, brought on by the realization that the demands of practices, games, travel and seemingly endless sessions of breaking down video are about to cut dramatically into the quality time their husbands can spend with them and their families.

“Marcy says it’s like I go into a cave for five months,” Gonzaga University men’s coach Mark Few once said.

And Marcy, his wife of 12 years and mother of their three children, including an infant daughter, didn’t back away from her assessment when asked recently about her feelings heading into the 2006-07 season.

“I guess they’re mixed,” she said. “Every year kind of brings its own new excitement, because we’ve got all these new players and you want to see them play. And our boys, because of the ages they’re at – 6 and 4 – just love every game, so that’s all really fun.

“The only real negative is that Mark is mentally and physically gone.”

First families of major college programs across the country face the same dilemma of balancing basketball with family time each fall.

“He starts spending more time in the office, and he’s definitely more intense,” said Mary Burns, the wife of Eastern Washington University coach Mike Burns.

“I know he’s going to be gone a lot, but you kind of get conditioned to it, almost calloused to it. You marry these guys, and you know what you’re in for. It’s hard at first, but eventually it gets easier.”

It helps that the husbands and wives on the coaching staffs at Gonzaga and EWU are close friends and, in some cases, neighbors. Several couples, including the Fews, vacation together each summer in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The Burnses weren’t able to make the trip this year with Mary being pregnant with twins who were born Sept. 23.

Several of the wives get together regularly for social gatherings, including a weekly Bible study session.

“We’re our own little support group,” Mary Burns explained. “It’s like a commune of women. We’re all very close, and we kind of rely on each other for babysitting help, running errands, all that stuff.”

“There’s a lot of kid-swapping and shopping for each other that goes on,” Marcy Few added. “We’re probably the only coaches’ wives in America – not only our staff’s, but Eastern’s staff’s, too – that get along so well.

“We’re just blessed.”

In the Moscow-Pullman area, Laurel Bennett and Susan Pfeifer are awaiting their first season as wives of NCAA Division-I head coaches.

Tony Bennett, a longtime assistant, took over the Washington State program from his father, Dick, last spring. George Pfeifer, a former high school and small college coach, was promoted to the head coaching job at the University of Idaho after serving one season as a Vandals assistant.

Both women admit they are not sure what to expect.

“So far, Tony’s been home more,” Laurel Bennett said. “Normally, he would be out recruiting, but now he wants to be here to run practices. I think that will stay true during the season, although he obviously has a lot more responsibilities now.”

For Susan Pfeifer, having her husband take over the Idaho program seems like a logical step up the coaching ladder he’s been climbing since they were married 23 years ago. And with her husband having spent 16 seasons as the head coach at NAIA Lewis-Clark State College, she doesn’t expect many surprises.

“They may travel a little bit further and in different directions,” she said. “However, now they’re flying and not middle-of-the-night traveling like they did at L-C.”

Pfeifer, who has two children enrolled at UI and a third attending Moscow High School, said she relies on her family, fellow teachers and other close friends for companionship when her husband is on the road, much like Bennett, who is the mother of two, ages 5 and 4.

“Pullman is so good that way,” Bennett said. “There’s just a lot of good people here.”

Bennett gets together with the other wives on the WSU staff to watch road games on television whenever possible.

“I love the basketball season. It gets me through the winter,” she said. “Of course, you never like being apart, so the out-of-town stuff is a real negative.”

Each woman credited her husband with carving out time to spend with family during the season.

“Coaches work all kinds of crazy hours,” Mary Burns said, “but Mike has definitely managed his family time better since the babies have come. He still makes it a point to go into work early each day – even in the summer when it’s completely quiet. But his train of thought these days is, ‘These babies are going to be taking up some of my evening time, now,’ where before he would use part of his evening time at home breaking down tape and stuff.”

“You almost put blinders on once the season starts,” Mike Burns said. “Before the twins were born, I’d be at home worrying about offenses, what defense to play, all of those basketball things. But all of a sudden the babies came, and I had an epiphany.

“For me, my home – and now the twins – are like a sanctuary for me, both during the season and during the offseason.”

Still, such quality time during the season can never measure up to those lazy days of summer when a coach, with his recruiting efforts wrapped up, can sit back, relax and get back – albeit ever so briefly – to being a full-time husband and father.

“We really take advantage of the offseason,” Mary Few said. “And Mark is so available to me and the boys when he’s home. But even though I’m used to it, a part of me dreads this time of year.

“Thank goodness for the other wives. It’s like we’re all in this together.”