Give in-laws time to adjust

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for five years. During that time, my in-laws have never really accepted me.

Because of some minor health problems that could make pregnancy difficult, my husband and I adopted a beautiful son from another country. Although it was initially my idea, my husband agreed and loves this child unconditionally. His parents, however, have not and will not.

We recently had our son baptized. When my mother-in-law came for the baptism, she walked around our house with her sunglasses on and didn’t speak to anyone. Our son tried to hug and touch his grandmother, and she turned and walked away. She told us she could never accept this child into the family.

A few weeks later, my in-laws wanted to stop by on their way to a vacation. I told my husband that his father could come, but his mother was not welcome in my house again. My husband’s father told him, “Have a nice life,” and we haven’t heard from them since. It’s been almost two months.

I feel so bad for my husband, and I know it’s my fault. I initiated the adoption; I am the one who said my mother-in-law was not welcome. We are currently seeing a counselor who has told us that my husband made the right decision in defending his wife and son. This makes me feel better, but there is still a lot of guilt, and I have a strong desire to fix things. Any suggestions? – Daughter Out-law

Dear Daughter: Some parents take a long while to accept an adopted grandchild, and you did not give your in-laws enough time to adjust. Face it. You have difficult in-laws. It will take 10 times more effort to win them over than you think you should expend, but it’s possible to do, especially since you have your husband’s strong support. You can work around your anger and make that effort, or you can cut them out of your lives. Talk to your husband about your options, and then discuss them with your counselor.

Dear Annie: My morning bus ride to work has been repeatedly disrupted by two teenage girls who insist on discussing the minutiae of their social life in loud, shrill tones from the moment they hop on the bus until the moment it pulls into the station. I finally took it upon myself to firmly, but politely, tell them about the nature of public space and ask them to keep their voices down in the future. Several passengers thanked me for my efforts, and things were marginally quieter for the duration.

What should I do if the problem persists?

– Elizabeth in Montreal

Dear Elizabeth: Register a complaint with the bus driver and see if some basic rules of decorum can be enforced. If that fails, it’s worth investing in a good set of headphones.