Sense & Sensitivity: Man dreams, girlfriend doubts

Dear Harriette: My boyfriend has a good marketing job but aspires to become a producer in the music industry. Although he has the technical skills to succeed, he lacks the proactive, hustler-like personality that most music-industry professionals possess. I am constantly pushing him to meet people, showcase his talent or utilize his existing connections to open the door. Do you think it is appropriate for me to introduce him to my friends in the industry, despite my uneasy feeling about the likelihood of his success and his ability to capitalize on their expertise? — Michelle, Los Angeles

Dear Michelle: First, take a step back. You must stop trying to change your man! It never works and usually leads to frustration and resentment. Take a fresh look at him to see what you think his strengths are, as well as the areas that need improvement in the arena he’s interested in pursuing. Since you seem to have insider knowledge about the personality type and skills required for his pursuit, along with the connections, brainstorm privately about how you can support him where he is today.

You are smart to think long and hard about introducing him to your contacts if you think he’s not ready. Strategy is important when sharing connections. That’s true even when you’re sharing with your partner. One way to help educate your boyfriend and protect your relationships is to ask one or two of your closest industry confidants to welcome an information interview with him, where he has an opportunity to learn about what they do rather than directly pitch for work. Just make sure he knows the purpose of the meeting.

Also, accept the fact that he may dream about this career path for the rest of his life but not pursue it. Dreaming is good. Let him have his dreams without you pressuring him to address them in your way. Support is different from nagging.