This just in: Nothing is certain

A few days before the election, a weekly newspaper in our area had an opinion-page headline that really made me think.

Appearing atop a politics column, it read “Democrats may or may not take over.”

What refreshing uncertainty.

In a world plagued with loud voices cocksure about their own correctness, here was a gentle bid to acknowledge reality. And in the real world, the truth of almost any situation can be summed up by saying, “Who knows what’s going to happen?”

Leave a little room for doubt. That’s what I say.

And as Spokane lifestyles are sort of my beat, I couldn’t help but think of a few more headlines I’d like to see.

“Inland Northwest sex lives may or may not be good.”

“Spokane might have 21,567 terrible parents.”

“Some Spokane restaurants could be better.”

“It might be fun to see what toxically angry types would blame on fluoride.”

“Maybe some hipster-doofus whiners should move.”

“Your kids may or may not be cute.”

“Spokane: Insecure and defensive or Northwest smug? Could be both.”

“Your house may or may not smell funny.”

“Without the hospitals, Spokane might still have reasons to exist.”

“Studded tires could get your momma.”

“Your bargain-mindedness could just mean you’re cheap.”

“Local theaters probably going to keep putting on plays.”

“Dating in Spokane has potential to have potential.”

“Big Hair: Idaho’s answer to everything?”

“Your vehicle could say you are a twit.”

“Area families may or may not go to the lake.”

“Home remodeling might cause insanity.”

“Casual attire: Edgy statement or refuge of slobs?”

“Does your I-90 driving make strangers hate you?”

“Bloomsday, Hoopfest, etc. may or may not be your thing.”

“Ignoring fashion trends could be an option.”

“There’s always a chance that you are not an Air Force retiree.”

“Marmots and snowboarders may or may not take over.”

•Q and A: “My son, Jackson, came home explaining that his preschool is collecting food and creating a food tower,” wrote Susan Rauer. “Jackson asked me why people don’t have enough food.”

She did her best to explain. But the lad looked at his mom with big, innocent eyes.

“Why don’t they just go to Costco?” he asked.

•If it wouldn’t lead to gunfire: It would be interesting to see what would happen if one Spokane driver tried to ticket another, a la the classic Gomer Pyle/Barney Fife citizen’s arrest.

•Today’s Slice question: If Spokane had some equivalent of the Bat Signal, what would it be and whom would it summon?