The Slice: Some customers like ‘reefer’

It’s easy to complain about inept or annoying service.

But let’s face it. Sometimes the customers themselves are the problem.

And to document that, I don’t need to go far.

Here are a few tales from the front, reported to The Slice by the S-R’s Consumer Marketing team.

Sometimes subscribers get angry because the calendar plays tricks on them.

“A customer called demanding to know what in the world had gone wrong with the presses and why ‘you people’ hadn’t been able to get the Saturday paper to her. I let her yell for a bit and then let her know it was Friday.”

Then, of course, there are the conspiracy theorists.

“A gentleman called convinced that someone had rifled through his paper after it had been delivered to his apartment, found the ad he had run that weekend and put a hex on it so that he wouldn’t get any calls.”

Maybe he should have paid a little extra for the anti-hex package.

Occasionally, customers wanting to place a classified give the S-R employee reason to wonder what they’ve been smoking. Read on.

“A lot of times, when people call to place their ads they have their own ideas for abbreviations.”

One recurring request in that regard comes from people who don’t want to say they are selling a “fridge.” Some want their ad to say “reefer.”

That’s a different ad category altogether.

And things can get tense when customers suspect the newspaper is in league with the devil.

“A woman canceled her paper because there was a 6 in her account number.”

Of course, sometimes certain members of the S-R team fall short of excellence.

“One morning I spoke with a very embarrassed woman who explained that her husband had gotten up early to read the paper that morning and witnessed his paper being delivered. The problem was that, as he watched, a woman brought his paper up to the front porch and then, halfway back to the car, decided to relieve herself on his front lawn.”

Still, the readers can hold their own when it comes to lunacy.

“A co-worker of mine spoke with a gentleman who just did not want to comply with our billing policies — like paying for the paper, for example. And he was just convinced that we should allow him to pay the way he wanted to and was adamant that he wasn’t going to allow Big Brother to push him around. The conversation went on for a while and then he ended the phone call by screaming, ‘Give me liberty or give me death!’ “

But the customers do occasionally offer helpful reality checks.

One guy called to cancel his short-lived subscription. Asked why, he explained that he was done potty-training some new puppies.

“Today’s Slice question: Who around here has had the same phone number the longest?