Mom may need help adjusting

Dear Annie: My 84-year-old mother was recently admitted to a nursing home after a fall. Mom has lived alone for 15 years, but in the last few years, she’s gone downhill.

I am 500 miles away, but my brother lives nearby, and he did everything possible to help Mom stay in her apartment. When she fell down, she was taken to the care center for rehabilitation. After evaluating her, the doctors came to the conclusion that she can no longer live alone.

Mom is not aware that she is in the facility permanently. She knows she needs 24-hour care, but she believes it’s temporary. Mom refuses to use her walker and waits for a nurse to take her wherever she needs to go. Therapy is the only place she gets exercise. She cries and carries on that she wants to go home, asking us to come get her. When we tell her she cannot leave, she threatens to walk home.

How can we get through to her that the nursing home is best? Her quality of life is so much better there. Not only does she have daily care, but there are people around her constantly. My brother visits every day, as do other family members. I’m not sure she appreciates it. Should we be doing more? – Helpless in North Carolina

Dear Helpless: Your mother may recognize her need to be in the home, but the sudden permanence of her situation requires that she receive some help adjusting to her new surroundings and dealing with any possible depression. Some nursing homes have a social worker on staff, and also an independent ombudsman assigned to help address such issues. The phone number for the ombudsman should be posted in the office, but if not, ask the administrator. You also can speak with the admissions coordinator or one of the nurses to find out if the home has an arrangement with any outside organizations to provide therapeutic services.

Dear Annie: In your reply to “Clueless in California,” the woman whose husband sleeps 48 hours at a time, you missed an important possibility: substance abuse.

I work with families whose loved ones are addicted, and many have described a very similar scenario. Remember that denial is often present in the addict and the family. My heart goes out to that woman. – Seen That in the Midwest

Dear Seen That: Thank you for providing another possible explanation for the man who sleeps through the weekends. We hope his wife will check it out.