Wife zaps joy from empty nest
Dear Annie: I have been married for 35 years. I am eligible to retire in a couple of years, and we are empty-nesters. I always looked forward to this time with my wife. However, she went through early menopause, and family medical history precludes her from taking any hormone replacement therapy. We’ve been intimate four times in the last five years.
I try to be romantic, caring and communicative, but I am reduced to a wage earner, cook, yardman and housekeeper. I am not demanding, unless you consider one attempt a month to be overkill. I try to make nonsexual displays of affection every day.
I love my wife and do NOT want to end our marriage, but I don’t want to spend the next 20 years like this. The resentment is building, and I don’t want my love to die. I can live without sex, but not without affection. I have suggested counseling, but she says there’s nothing wrong and I should “get used to the way things are.”
I will not retire if I can’t fix this. – Afraid and Confused
Dear Afraid: Your wife needs to see that this isn’t about sex. It’s about a shared marital bond, and yours is fraying. Tell her you love her deeply, but your marriage is in serious trouble, with or without sex. Let her know you are going to go for counseling whether she goes with you or not. Then, please do it.
Dear Annie: Last December, my nephew asked my 5-year-old daughter to be the flower girl at his wedding. She was very excited about it. My nephew also asked my 2-year-old son to be the ring bearer.
Yesterday, I received an e-mail from my nephew saying he is sorry, but they want to use a cousin on the bride’s side as the flower girl.
I am having a hard time finding the right words to reply to his e-mail. My daughter will be devastated. – Trying To Find the Right Words in Nebraska
Dear Nebraska: It was extremely inconsiderate for your nephew to disinvite your daughter. However, we suspect he was under a certain amount of pressure from the bride’s family to make the switch.
Can you ask your brother’s wife, the groom’s mother, if they would consider two flower girls? If the answer is no, please don’t make a big deal of this or it will only encourage your daughter to be more upset than she would otherwise. Just say, “I’m sorry, sweetie, cousin Joe had to ask Betty Sue to be the flower girl. But you can still wear a fancy dress and have fun.” Try not to let this unpleasantness cause a rift. Go to the wedding and show your daughter how to be a gracious guest.