Zonking Landers

Rich Landers’ diatribe against Larry Csonka and the Super Bowl deserves a rebuttal.

C’mon, Landers, if it weren’t for Larry C., I couldn’t enjoy the great outdoors from the comfort of my LazyBoy. In fact, Zonk gave me some valuable fishing tips. Amazing how a stick of dynamite can insure you get, and even exceed, your limit!

So you’re a “Super Bowl Virgin?” Right! Obliviously playing with GI Joes during Super Bowls I through XV is not willful abstinence! And going skiing is more eco-friendly than watching football? You used how much gas to and from the mountain versus me to and from the fridge? Not buying your lame excuses either. “Retriever training?” “Gun cage cleaning?” Ooh! Really cognitive!

Rich, compared to my planning what offense to run against a 3-4-3-3, er, 2? Defensive stand! Boycotting the Stones at halftime was no surprise. I’ve seen your Barry Manilow collection. OK, missing Jessica Simpson’s pizza commercial was smart. What a waste!

Need someone who knows something about football, you know, like Condoleezza Rice? Hey! She did pick the winner before the game! Now I’d buy a pizza from that babe!

So, Rich, next time you and your skinny-skied, granola-crunchin’, tree-huggin’ friends wanna pick on someone, leave us beer-guzzlin’, belly-belchin’, Dorito-poppin’, salsa-dippin’ football fans alone! Anyone can live healthy outdoors, but it takes a real man to stay inside and face heart disease.

And with the Super Bowl on – what a way to go!

Mac McCandless

Spokane