Personal remembrance

It wasn’t long ago that it would be unseemly to park an ATV or a fishing boat inside a funeral home for a sportsman’s service.

But in recent years ideas on how death is handled have changed and for many the result is a less scripted, more personal approach to saying goodbye to a loved one.

“The last couple of years, things have changed so much. You never know what to expect anymore,” said Connie Vermillion, office manager at Pines Cemetery.

She’s seen airborne buddies from Felts Field flying above a burial and rental doves released at other services that fly home to their owner.

“You never know what to expect,” she said.

At Hazen and Jaeger Funeral Home in Spokane Valley, funeral planners have seen the trend toward personalized services growing for the last eight or nine years.

“Before it was the exception, now it’s the rule,” said manager Dan VerHeul.

Where quiet organ music and hymns once filled their chapel, musical selections now include hits from the Beach Boys, Led Zeppelin and ZZ Top.

Advances in audiovisual technology have caught up to the funeral industry as well, and VerHeul can pull song requests from a seemingly endless selection from an online service.

“You have to stay on the cutting edge with people,” VerHeul said.

Projectors and multimedia presentations can showcase a person’s life at the service and then go home with the family on DVDs.

Beyond the presentations and the new equipment, though, is also a rise in displays and features that offer possibly a more detailed portrayal of that individual’s life.

“I’ve had 12-foot aluminum boats brought in,” VerHeul said.

He can arrange a traditional service but said he finds most people now want something unique to honor the deceased.

Mounted animal heads adorned the walls to honor a lifetime hunter, he said. In another state VerHeul once orchestrated a service for a race car driver at the race track. It filled the stands.

“If they want to do it, we’ll find a way to do it,” he said.

Photo collages have become a regular feature, and family members often bring in items that meant something significant to their loved ones.

“Sometimes it may look like a yard sale, but that was that person,” said Chuck Wendt, who works at the funeral home as an advanced-planning counselor.

As he talks about how funerals are planned and set up, it becomes apparent how significantly the role of a funeral home has evolved.

Many duties that were one the responsibility of the family are now offered by funeral homes. Discount airfare for relatives can be arranged through a bereavement travel service. There are videos, books and 24-hour 800 numbers available for those trying to handle grief. And then there’s the stuff a person in mourning might not even consider.

“You don’t want to get a notice after six months that he’s due for a dental appointment,” VerHeul said.

The customer service end of the business has expanded to assist with things like union and veterans’ benefits, Social Security paperwork and closing credit card accounts.

About 30 percent of the arrangements they handle are set up before the individual dies, with some opting to pay in installments over several years before their death.

Costs vary significantly depending on the services provided and the disposition of the remains. Of the roughly 200 funerals Hazen and Jaeger handles each year, about 60 percent now involve cremation.

At Pines Cemetery, Vermillion has seen a 75 percent increase in people burying or storing ashes over recent years.

“(With) the cost of everything anymore, it’s so expensive to die,” she said.

According to the Federal Trade Commission, a traditional funeral including a casket and a vault costs an average of $6,000 nationally, and additional expenses like flowers, limousines and notices can add thousands to that.

Like most consumer purchases, though, a basic funeral with cremation can come in well below that mark and an elaborate burial can be as expensive as a family wants to make it.

Under federal law, all funeral homes must provide an itemized price list upon request or list prices over the phone.

With a few exceptions, a person has the right to purchase or refuse any products or services offered. Funeral providers also are required to accept, without charge, caskets purchased elsewhere.

Even picking a casket seems to be less ghoulish than in years past. Costco recently began offering mail-order caskets in most states, and a number of manufacturers sell their products online.

At Hazen and Jaeger, a long row of caskets was replaced with a small room holding just a few models alongside displays of urns and other items to make the process less overwhelming, VerHeul said.

Changes in the funeral world haven’t made the death of a loved one any less jarring or painful. But taking a more personalized approach to that individual’s final disposition is something funeral experts say is helping more and more people honor an entire life as they say goodbye.

“It’s the people side that turns it on for me,” Wendt said of his long career in funeral planning.

“What we’re really here for is the people who are alive.”