It’s a wonderful likeness

You might have noticed.

Most Christmas movies aren’t about you.

But maybe at least one of them should be. You’ve experienced your share of drama, right?

Laughed? Check.

Cried? Check.

Hey, your story would be a natural.

Of course, if that film project ever got the green light, Hollywood probably would not let you – an “unknown” – portray yourself up on the big screen.

Face it. You simply aren’t bankable.

Which brings us to the big question: If they made a holiday movie loosely based on your life, what actor or actress would you want to play you?

Photographer Holly “Jolly” Pickett and I asked around.

“Russell Crowe,” answered Mike Schmitz upon being ambushed in front of Nordstrom.

Well, there’s an actor with some range. But a few of his roles have been a tad dark. So I asked Schmitz, a 47-year-old who makes a living in real estate, for assurances that the movie about him would include tidings of comfort and joy.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “Something exciting.”

We stepped into River Park Square and approached 62-year-old Fritz Bachmeyer, who said he works in the casino business.

“Joe Pesci,” he said.

OK. Good answer.

“Raging Bull,” “Goodfellas” and now “Moving Back to Spokane After Living in Iowa.”

That could work. “You think I’m funny? I amuse you? Well, MERRY CHRISTMAS.”

Sarah Ekman, 26, chose Kate Beckinsale. She said people tell her that she resembles the comely actress.

Her friend, 22-year-old Erin Thompson, opted for the full-figured Kate Winslet.

“She doesn’t look like me at all,” said Thompson. “But I admire her. She’s not so skinny that it grosses me out.”

The two women, who work with a dermatologist, said their holiday movies would be full of good cheer. And really nice cheekbones.

Nicole Wedge, a 28-year-old retail manager, cast the stunning Halle Berry to play her.

“And she can act, too,” I offered helpfully.

Patrick Valenzuela, a 24-year-old construction worker, was about to get on the escalator when we stopped him.

“I’ve got to say Matthew McConaughey,” he answered after mulling it and eyeing Holly’s camera as if it were a gun. “He’s pretty laid back. You know what I’m saying? He lives life like me.”

Outside the mall, on the sidewalk next to Main, Terrah Buckley said she would like to see singer/actress Beyonce play her.

This caused the Lewis and Clark High junior’s three friends to laugh. But their expressions sort of suggested that they approved of her choice.

I hadn’t really spelled out any strict rules about what actors could be selected. So when we posed the question to 42-year-old Tammy Stuckless in Riverfront Park, she decided not to limit herself to living performers.

“Katharine Hepburn,” she said.

I congratulated her on her selection.

Susan Colliton, a 59-year-old secretary, had a ready answer: “Dame Judi Dench.”

I blurted something about having just re-watched part of “Shakespeare in Love” the night before, in which that talented actress plays a none-too-young Queen Elizabeth.

Colliton gently suggested that she was actually thinking of the Judi Dench found in, um, less matronly roles.

(That reminded me of the time about 20 years ago when I told Dinah Shore during an interview that she had been pretty hot back in the ‘40s. But that’s another story.)

Colliton’s walking buddy, 51-year-old Edie Fletcher, picked Audrey Hepburn.

Thinking particularly of her portrayals of women who struggled against the odds, Toni Tusken chose Halle Berry (see Page D1.) “And she’s a beautiful woman,” said the 33-year-old medical assistant.

Wayne Gillebo, who does maintenance work at Riverfront Park, named Matt Damon. “There are some things about him that are like me,” said the 64-year-old.

“A Very Bourne Christmas”? “The Talented Mr. Gillebo”?

He didn’t elaborate.

Heading back to the newspaper building, we stopped Climson Valley. He said he was a 23-year-old information technology consultant from near Walla Walla who was in Spokane to be sworn in as a U.S. citizen. He had grown up in England.

Shemar Moore was his choice to play him in a movie.

I admitted that the name drew a blank for me. (I would later realize that I knew Moore from his days on “The Young and the Restless” soap opera. But something tells me coming up with that earlier might not have done much to establish my street cred.)

Backtracking because Holly thought she might have lost her cell phone, we approached a friendly looking guy on Main. He said he couldn’t do an interview with The Spokesman-Review because he worked for River Park Square.

Hey, nobody said these holiday movies couldn’t be comedies.