The Slice: Office parties could use shot of intrigue

This is the time of year when we are reminded.

Almost every generation thinks it missed out.

Ask around. You’ll see.

Adults of virtually every vintage believe those who came before them experienced the real thing when it comes to office Christmas parties.

This is based, in part, on the prevailing notion that the contemporary version of the seasonal celebration is a depressingly tame affair.

There are good reasons why today’s workplace parties tend to be watered down, of course. For one thing, on-site drunkenness and debauchery don’t turn out to be such great team-building exercises. And then there are the legal, ethical and moral concerns.

But that doesn’t prevent some of us from feeling wistful about missing out on the sorts of office bacchanals depicted in old movies. It seems like such fun – in theory, anyway.

Perhaps the all-time classic portrayal of a no-holds-barred Christmas party appears in “The Apartment,” which won the best-picture Oscar for 1960.

Set in a large insurance company’s sprawling work areas, that boozy holiday bash featured almost everything from co-workers making out by the water cooler to entire departments dancing on desktops.

In a nutshell, it looks like a blast.

If you don’t dwell on the potential consequences, that is.

Talk to people who were in the work force during that era and you get the impression that such parties were not a myth. Yes, even in Spokane.

People are reluctant to say, “Oh yeah, I once got wasted on spiked eggnog and tackled this hot secretary under the mistletoe.”

But a decent listener will discern that marital fidelity and unimpaired driving were not always overarching concerns in this sometimes impromptu merrymaking. And you don’t have to use much imagination to see how blunt-nosed reality could crash into carefree image.

So perhaps it is no surprise that some people who actually lived it are less apt to mourn the raucous yule party’s passing.

For those who never experienced a truly wild office Christmas party, though, it’s all but impossible to avoid wondering. What would that have been like?

Now these gatherings didn’t sober up overnight. It took significant societal shifts and evolving attitudes about gender relations and workplace propriety.

But even entertainment depictions eventually grew up. There was an episode of “thirtysomething,” the late ‘80s TV drama, in which a married advertising man lights a flame with a female co-worker at an office Christmas party. And it almost costs him everything.

Still, fantasy has a place as we contemplate the holidays. So if you never whooped it up at a 100-proof office bash, maybe there’s no harm in pretending that you missed something.

Even if you didn’t.

“Today’s Slice question: Where does Santa go first – Spokane or North Idaho?

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