She feels stuck in her marriage

Dear Annie: I have been married for 15 years. I am no longer “in love” with my husband. In fact, every minute I’m around him, I hate him even more. We’ve been to counseling twice, and both times they told “Jerry” he needs to spend more time with the kids (ages 13, 10 and 6) and focus on other parts of our relationship besides sex.

Jerry has taken nothing from those sessions. I cannot ever get a hug without getting groped, so I avoid hugging. Communicating is like talking to a tree. It burns me up to see him lounging while I exhaust myself doing things around our home. I can’t even get him to play a game or read to the kids without massive coaxing.

Jerry can go an entire day without brushing his teeth. He wears the same clothes for a week and will put on the same underwear two or three days in a row. This is a huge turn-off for me. I’ve told him, but he doesn’t care enough to change. Once, I told him he needs to make me fall in love with him again, and he replied that it wasn’t worth the effort.

Leaving is not an option. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years and have no job training to fall back on. College is out of the question. Jerry already has told me he won’t pick up the slack if I decide to go back to school, and I don’t want my kids to suffer. I need help. – Stuck in a Rut

Dear Stuck: It sounds as if Jerry isn’t so “in love” with you, either. Go back to one of your counselors and ask for help – with or without Jerry. See if you can sign up for some evening classes at your local YWCA or community college, and check services provided by your state. It won’t hurt the kids to know that Mom is trying to better herself while Daddy (or your parents or a sitter) watches them. It’s worth the investment in your future.

Dear Annie: I have my hair done every four weeks at the same nationally known salon. My last visit was quite upsetting. The hairdresser took out a hairbrush that obviously had been used on someone else. There were blonde hairs in the brush, which the stylist took out with her hand, and then she proceeded to use it on me.

I will never go back to that salon. I cannot contact the manager because she will make me out to be the bad guy. Aren’t there rules and guidelines a beauty salon must follow when it comes to cleaning brushes? – Traveling Brush Customer

Dear Traveling: Most states do indeed have regulations requiring the sterilization of combs and brushes used in hair salons. You can check with your state licensing board for specific information about the laws in your area. Meanwhile, please call the manager and tell her why you no longer will be patronizing her shop. She’ll want to know, and you have nothing to lose by telling her.