John Blanchette: M’s replacing buzz with banality

SEATTLE – There is buzz that implies excitement and anticipation, buzz that is annoying and the buzz of white noise.

Baseball begins anew today at Safeco Field, without any buzz.

The Seattle Mariners are, officially, buzzkill.

This happenstance was distilled to perfection on the eve of opening day by the M’s designee as starting pitcher, Jamie Moyer, when he was quizzed for his take on the 2006 Mariners.

“This will be a team,” he said, “that could possibly have the ability to surprise some people.”

Now is that a slogan, or is that a slogan?

So, the M’s could possibly have the ability to surprise some people. Or they could possibly slog home with another 90-some losses for a third straight season, which would at least bring to an end the soulless dirt opera general manager Bill Bavasi has been orchestrating since his arrival.

Wow. The classic dilemma of short-term pain relief vs. long-term health.

Aside from Moyer’s daring prediction, there was one other priceless media moment on Sunday, when a local television reporter declared that “fans are lining up” for tickets – as the camera showed one buyer at each of the three open ticket windows at Safeco.

Well, maybe they were lining up a few blocks away and being shuttled by rickshaw to the box office one at a time.

The truth of the matter is that by Sunday afternoon, the opener against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – still rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? – hadn’t yet sold out, something as unthinkable just a few years ago as Bob Melvin exuding charisma. Now, the last 1,000 tickets will probably move before the first pitch – at least enough of them that the club can call the event a sellout. But season ticket sales have dropped off nearly 2,000 from a year ago, and after seeing its first sub-20,000 crowd in 2005, Safeco could endure a slew of them this spring.

“Attendance will be off this year until we prove we can win,” admitted club president Chuck Armstrong, “and I think we will.”

And even if he didn’t think so, he gets paid to say he thinks so. It’s not as if Chuck was sought out for his impartiality on the subject.

The M’s drew more than 2.7 million customers to last year’s death march, a figure that trailed only the Yankees, Angels and Red Sox in the American League. That means 400,000 more people paid to watch the M’s than to watch the game’s best team in Chicago, which is a, you know, baseball town.

Armstrong called that “remarkable” and attributed it to a number of marketing-speak factors, including the club’s “family friendly” mission and the fact that as a truly regional team, the M’s and Safeco are as much tourist attractions as they are a baseball business. He also thought something else kept the attendance from a tipping over completely.

“In 2004, not only did we play poorly, we were dull,” Armstrong said. “Last year, we improved a little and had a little more excitement. And I think this is going to be an exciting team.”

Well, never has that term been more relative.

Coinciding with Seattle’s competitive freefall has been the exodus of, well, personality on the Mariners roster, at least the kind that sells and cements a fan’s identification. Richie Sexson became Bavasi’s first real free-agent success story, but on the fun scale he’s no Jay Buhner. Ichiro Suzuki is the Zen master, but he’s no Junior. There’s no Randy, no A-Rod.

“Everybody was on a first-name basis,” acknowledged Armstrong. “(Ken Griffey) Junior and Edgar (Martinez) and Randy (Johnson) and even Joey (Cora) back on the ‘90s teams, and that was true in 2001 as well. But as the roster has gone through some permutations, it’s been tough to get the fans to identify with the newer guys all at once.”

That hasn’t been remedied, with one notable exception – 19-year-old pitcher Felix Hernandez, who has star power that almost can’t be measured in lumens.

There’s just one problem: the Mariners are trying to keep him under a blanket – and prudently so, fearful of all the phenom pitchers who’ve burned out before they’re 25. He’s the most unhittable pitcher on the staff, but he’s the No. 5 starter. As the summer goes on, attendance will spike on his starts, but Armstrong conceded that “we’re trying not to promote him as vigorously – although you people in the media are.”

In other words, they’re trying to kill the buzz before it even starts. So it is official.

But remember – the M’s could have the ability to surprise some people. If that doesn’t raise goose bumps the size of the Cascades, nothing will.