Tell parent her son is ready to have ‘the talk’
Dear Annie: My husband has a 9-year-old nephew, “Taylor.” Taylor’s parents are divorced, and he lives with his mother in another state. We don’t see them often.
The problem is, Taylor is beginning to be curious about sex and the female body. We have a 3-year-old daughter, and Taylor is unusually interested when she gets a diaper change. Since he visits infrequently, I have tried to ignore his fascination. However, my husband is taking me on a trip for my birthday, and I have asked my sister-in-law to watch my children, and obviously, she will bring Taylor.
I am not concerned that Taylor is going to touch my daughter inappropriately, but I would prefer that he not learn about the female anatomy from my child. Is this something that my husband or I can discuss with my sister-in-law, or am I just being a prude? I’d appreciate your advice. – Nervous Mom in Nevada
Dear Nervous: Taylor’s curiosity is normal, and there is nothing wrong with discussing the boy’s budding interest with his mother. Tell her, “I’ve noticed Taylor is at the age where a girl’s body is fascinating to him, and he has been paying a lot of attention to the baby’s diaper changes. He’s ready for you to talk to him about the physical differences between boys and girls. I don’t want him to fixate on the baby simply because he doesn’t have enough information from you.”
This should open a frank discussion, allowing you to talk about appropriate behavior and proper respect between the cousins. If your sister-in-law is going to be baby-sitting for your daughter, she should know what you find acceptable.
Dear Annie: My daughters have graciously decided to give a 25th wedding anniversary party for their father and me. They asked me for a guest list, which I provided. The affair will be held at a local hotel banquet room, and cold drinks and finger food will be served.
My daughters would like me to register for gifts at some local stores and include this information in the invitation. After 25 years, I could use some new things, but I am unsure of the proper etiquette. I’ve never seen a registry for an anniversary. However, I know some well-meaning people will bring gifts, and my daughters felt registering would be better than having those people buy us things we don’t want or can’t use.
Please give us some guidance. We want to do the proper thing. – Silver Sue
Dear Silver Sue: Bless you for caring enough to ask. It is not appropriate to register for a 25th anniversary. Registries are a way to help guests select items that will assist brides in setting up their new households. Although you might need a lot of things, it doesn’t mean your guests should provide them.
Many couples in your position have their friends and family members discreetly pass the word to donate money to charity in their names, or contribute to a special “second honeymoon” fund set up by the children, or something along those lines. Under no circumstances do such instructions belong inside the invitation.
Dear Annie: You recently printed a letter from a gentleman who didn’t get his money’s worth from a dating service. You told him to seek legal counsel. Companies such as this prey on the low-income and elderly population, and this man may be eligible for low-cost legal help through Legal Services. He can access www.lsc.gov to find a program in his area. – Dedicated Legal Aid Employee
Dear Employee: Thanks for the additional information. The address is Legal Services Corporation, 3333 K Street, NW, Third Floor, Washington, D.C. 20007-3522.