I have hated sports all my life. I’m uncoordinated, I struggle with my weight, and for me gym class was one big “please God, don’t let the ball come my way” prayer. As an adult I’ve hated the tremendous waste of time and energy that a commitment to sports can take in American culture. It bothers me that people who play sports have unearned privilege with their sports-loving bosses, and it bothers me that in high school and college, athletic achievement seems to trump academic achievement.

When my son was 3, I confessed to my best friend that I would support him in all things that interested him, but I hoped he wouldn’t be a jock. We laughed together at the notion that someone with my antipathy toward sports could ever give birth to a jock. My son would read books and would appreciate theater. Together we would go to museums, travel through Europe and have discussions about justice, poverty, consumption of the world’s resources and international peace.

But, my son lives for basketball. And, in the span of three short years, I realized just recently that not only do I love basketball, but that I have taken this love too far and become one of “those parents.” This year I was a parent who yelled “call it both ways” to the refs and critiqued the coaching decisions on the drive home after the game. In 12 months I moved from being a mom who said “let all the kids play” to being a mom who mumbled “if you aren’t going to help, you might as well go home” softly, under my breath (I hope). And, at a recent Whitworth basketball camp game, I realized that I had gone from being a faculty member respected for my teaching to being an anonymous but annoying mom to the student refs who growled “settle down” to a group of rambunctious, cheering and ref-critiquing parents.

I didn’t want to be that mom. When I read the series done by The Spokesman-Review on sports, coaching and parents, I was sure I didn’t recognize myself in those pages. And now, I’ve made a commitment to go back to being a supportive but non-interfering parent of a basketball player.

But, along the way I’ve learned some really important things:

“Being a jock does not preclude the ability to care about poverty. In the months after deciding to leave college for professional basketball , Andrew Bogut, the No. 1 pick in the recent NBA draft, set up a foundation to care for poor children in four different cities. In fact, I’ve found that highlighting pro basketball players who use their wealth to make the world a better place is quite a wonderful starting point for discussion with my son about the nature of obligation.

“Being a jock doesn’t preclude the ability to appreciate other cultures. Again, I’ve found that the international emphasis on sports will mean that if my son continues in basketball he will have a number of chances to travel throughout the world. He will also be on teams with players from other countries, other cities in this country, and a wide variety of economic and ethnic groups. Films like Coach Carter, Hoop Dreams and Drumline have given my son and me the foundation of a number of good conversations.

“There are unearned privileges that come with being good at a sport, but there are also unearned privileges in having a high IQ, in being part of a dominant culture and in being born into wealth. How we handle unearned privilege is important, and lessons can be learned all the time by watching the kindness, grace and generosity of the Ronny Turiafs of the world.

People around the country are responding with compassion to Ronny Turiaf’s health struggle. Many of us were near tears ourselves as we watched him try to explain his feelings to reporters last week. A year ago at David’s Pizza I watched Turiaf speak encouraging words to a small group of young AAU basketball players. I was amazed at his willingness to lean down and engage these kids in discussion, and I was grateful that parents like me have help from sports-playing community members like him and numerous other coaches I’ve watched over the years.

Raising kids does take a village, and I’m glad that now my understanding of my village includes basketball.