E-mail insufficient for some events
“Nobody writes letters any more” is a refrain that Miss Manners has been hearing for years. But it seems that now they do – and warm, personal letters at that – when the occasion is important enough.
When would that be?
When a friend has died? Well, no. Surely an e-mail is enough then, Gentle Readers have tried (with remarkable lack of success) to convince Miss Manners. The important thing is for the bereaved to know that you’re there for them, they argue, and e-mail is the quickest and therefore the most meaningful way.
No, the way to “be there” for them is to go there. Paying condolence calls is not a dead custom among the compassionate.
Neither is the handwritten letter of condolence, containing kind words about the deceased as well as sympathy for the survivors. Sympathy cards are nothing more than pre-printed form letters. E-mail may have more content, but it is a breezy way of dismissing a solemn occurrence. You might just as well add a smiley face symbol at the end in hopes of spreading cheer.
Do people write personal letters when they are unable to attend a wedding or graduation to which they have been invited?
Certainly not. The hosts are lucky if the invited even answer the invitations, much less express their congratulations. All they want to know is whether they owe a present, the demand for goods being one of the few social moves that is taken seriously, if resentfully. They have not incurred such a debt, but the idea of another response – wishing their friends happiness on important occasions, which costs only a stamp – seldom occurs to anyone.
Similarly, dinner and overnight guests neglect their duty to write appreciative letters because they feel they have already paid their debt with the grocery or bottle they handed over at the door.
It can be argued that e-mail has kept alive the tradition of the chatty letter written on no special occasion, and indeed, e-mail is a marvelous way to say nothing in particular. But it won’t do for the deeply emotional declaration where one feels moved to pour out one’s heart to another.
Dear Miss Manners: What rules of etiquette, if any, govern the use of a drinking straw? I know straws aren’t exactly part of a proper place setting, but they are continually offered at dining and drinking establishments, and in some cases, they are convenient to use. Other than the obvious suggestion – don’t slurp or blow bubbles! – how can I avoid looking childish or uncouth while drinking from a straw?
Gentle Reader: Let’s see. If it is wrapped and you tear off one end and blow the paper in your sister’s face, that would be childish. So is putting it up your nose.
Otherwise, you just need to bring the drink up to your mouth, rather than leaning down to it, and to refrain from unnecessary noises. And Miss Manners begs to differ with you about the slurps, as she permits three relatively discreet ones at the end of an ice cream soda.