Imagine the possibilities of blunt honesty

We Americans are so used to being lied to or having the truth spun around like an East Sprague meth addict that it is cause for celebration whenever someone in the public eye dares to tell it like it is.

That’s why I jumped up and shouted hallelujah when I opened my morning newspaper on the Fourth of July and read the following:

“This will kill you. It is not good for your health. But if you’re going to smoke – smoke our brand!”

This refreshing bit of honest capitalism came out of the mouth of one Bryan Johnson, general manager of the Squaxin Indian Tribe’s Skookum Creek Tobacco Co.

The company enjoys the distinction of apparently being the West Coast’s only cigarette factory.

There’s a point of pride.

But if only all evil cigarette manufacturers shared Johnson’s candor, we could replace all those stilted Surgeon General warnings with Johnson’s “This will kill you…”

It might just do some good.

Then the nation’s booze makers could get a taste of the Bryan Johnson truth serum.

They could start putting out bottles with their own plain-spoken cautions:

“Keep on drinking, and one morning you’ll wake up in a cheap motel room with a floozy more bug-ridden than road kill in an August heat wave.

But if you’re looking for a lost weekend or the waiting list for a new liver, please, make our rot gut your alcohol of choice.”

But why stop here?

Once again, let me help you imagine some of the possibilities that might occur if blunt honesty ever caught on:

“”The Iraq War is definitely not in a quagmire, and I’m really getting sick of all those hackneyed Vietnam references. I will, however, concede that we have entered the never-ending Okefenokee Swamp Quicksand Stage.” – Donald Rumsfeld.

“”Yeah. What he said!” – George W. Bush.

“”My husband has the sex drive of a rutting wildebeest. But I can’t get to the White House without the horny devil so I’m not dumping him because it’s MY TURN!” – Hillary Clinton.

“”Maybe I did steal the election. But who would you rather have as the Washington governor: A tough ol’ broad like me? Or that whiny wimp Rossi?” – Christine Gregoire.

“”According to our calculations, we will be finished by … Oh, who are we trying to kid? We don’t have a clue when we’ll be done with this damn thing.” – Monroe Street Bridge renovation crew.

“”After conducting an extensive search, we have come to the conclusion that our newly incorporated city has absolutely no center.” – Spokane Valley City Council.

“”Leak proof? Yeah, I guess we did claim that our new Hauser refueling depot would be leakproof. But we lie to everybody. We’re the railroad. It’s what we do.” – BNSF official.

“”Can we stink any more?” – Seattle Mariners.

“”Yes!” – Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

“”Lead Spokane effectively? What have you been smoking? I’m an Internet sex troller. But the pay’s good, and the bennies are even better. So if you want to get me out of office you better bring a tranquilizer gun and a forklift.” – Mayor Jim West.

“”Ne-po-tism? No sir. Ah ain’t never been to Ne-pal in mah life. A’hm just a good ol’ country boy Republican who likes to give county jobs to his kin folk.” – Spokane County Commissioner Phil Harris.

“”Frankly, we’re not surprised that the Spokane Transit Authority’s $20 million boondoggle bus plaza is worth barely $4 million 10 years later. We don’t call it the Garage Mahal for nothing.” – STA officials.

“”We haven’t had an escape in over a week. I knew installing more razor wire and the Playboy Channel would settle things down here.” – Geiger Corrections Center director Leon Long.

“”I’m a perverted piece of scum. Don’t waste the taxpayer’s time and money on a trial. Just take me out to the nearest field and put me down like a rabid dog.” – Joseph E. Duncan III.

“”I volunteer.” – Doug Clark.