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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Stupid is as stupid does

From wire reports The Spokesman-Review

Monday Night Football is bound to be tame the rest of the season by comparison to last week’s revealing Terrell Owens-Nicollette Sheridan episode.

Not that Greg Cote of the Miami Herald is asking for much. “Give me a naked woman in the pregame show and I’ll forget who’s playing anyway,” he wrote. “It was shocking, after the Super Bowl/Janet Jackson fiasco resulting in a $550,000 FCC fine, that ABC had enough high-ranking morons to allow the skit at all.”

In Colorado, Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News had his own view.

“Those of us in politically red states must, by law, be against anything that is racy, steamy and crude,” he said, “not counting NASCAR, of course.”

Lincicome was one of many columnists to point out that NFL cheerleaders are every bit as suggestive as naked actresses in locker rooms.

The solution, he said, “would be to hire only homely women, really desperate housewives. Throw in a few spinsters, a couple of meter maids, a lady golfer or two. Anyone who reminds you of an in-law or a junior high teacher.”

Stick to Campbell soup

Not surprisingly, Philly QB Donovan McNabb thinks the Owens-Sheridan flap was overblown. He said his wife wouldn’t have allowed him to be involved, but he thought it was fine for Owens, who is single.

“I think football is a sexy sport,” McNabb said. “I’m pretty sexy.”

All those Campbell Soup commercials with mom have the housewives clamoring for more.

Devil went down to Orleans

From Pete McEntegart of Sports Illustrated.com:

“The Giants and rookie QB Eli Manning lost to the Falcons 14-10 in his starting debut. But Eli did throw a 6-yard touchdown pass, his first in the NFL. Curiously, the first touchdown passes of his father Archie and older brother Peyton also traveled 6 yards. Numerologists point out the 6-6-6 combo finally proves the seemingly charmed Manning family’s pact with the devil.”

Athlete bashing, part I

All in all, it was a bad week for soccer star David Beckham, what with England’s 1-0 loss to Spain in Seville on Wednesday and being yanked from Real Madrid’s 3-0 loss to Barcelona on Saturday.

Given that, Beckham hardly needed the Guardian newspaper explaining why he had turned down a role in a movie alongside Beyonce Knowles and Steve Martin.

“By all accounts, the England captain was earmarked to play a professional footballer, a role that on current evidence would have tested his acting abilities to the absolute maximum,” the Guardian commented.

Athlete bashing, part II

Tom Powers of the St. Paul Pioneer Press believed the Minnesota Vikings’ defense couldn’t get any worse. He was correct.

“If this week’s defensive game plan were any simpler, the playbook would be entitled, ‘See Spot Run,’ ” Powers wrote. “If the Vikings coaches dumb down any more on defense, they’ll have to pass out drool buckets… . These fellows are dumber than a box of rocks.”

The last word …

“On the bright side, Artest will no longer be known as the knucklehead who asked for time off to promote his album.”

Pete McEntegart of Sports Illustrated.com, on Pacers forward Ron Artest, who was suspended for the rest of the season for his role in Friday’s donnybrook in Detroit.