Tell him your concerns; join Al-Anon
Dear Dr. Gott: I have a 37-year-old, kind, loving and successful son who I feel drinks alcoholically. At a recent party, he had four mixed drinks before and during dinner and then he asked our waiter for a shooter – a straight shot. I was shocked. His significant other doesn’t drink, and I’ve never heard her complain to him. My silence is hurting me and I’m afraid it’s killing my son. Can you help?
Dear Reader: Judging from your brief description, I’d say that your son may have a problem. Only he can judge whether he is an alcoholic, but certain signs are unmistakable.
Unlike social drinkers (who can take alcohol or leave it), problem drinkers drink to obtain a certain level of comfort – intoxication, in a word. Like many drinkers, alcoholics value the “buzz” or “glow” that alcohol gives.
At this stage, they lose their inhibitions; they become more amusing, creative and social. They cease feeling like odd men out. They become “alive” and vibrant. (Of course, to nondrinkers, they behave like jerks. But that’s a topic for another column.)
Eventually – in hours, days or months – alcoholics (unlike social drinkers) exceed the “golden glow” and, as their consumption increases (as it always does), they become problems at home and at work. The heavy consumption may lead to “blackouts,” when they cannot remember what happened while they were drinking.
You cannot alter your son’s behavior. Nonetheless, you can do two things.
First, when he is sober, explain to him that you are concerned about his drinking and believe that he is in trouble because of it. Then back off; don’t harp.
Second, get to an Al-Anon meeting. Composed of people whose loved ones abuse alcohol, these 12 Step groups, modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, exist in almost every community. In Al-Anon, you will learn ways of coping with your son’s drinking – and you will learn about the next steps you can take to help him get help. You needn’t remain silent, but you do need to discover ways of handling the baffling illness called alcoholism.
To give you related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Mental/Substance Abuse.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope and $2 to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092. Be sure to mention the title.
Dear Dr. Gott: I am 80 and have had prostate cancer for 10 years. I have to urinate 8 to 10 times a night. Am I losing too much potassium because of this?
Dear Reader: Probably not, because the problem with urinary frequency is not a kidney problem but a disorder in the lower urinary tract: you may have overactive bladder.
Having said this, I encourage you to address the issue with your urologist. There are several medications available to counteract this annoying problem. The specialist can advise you.